Saturday, April 24, 2010

“Mark of the Dark Star”

Girl, I gave you my best
But, don’t hold your breath
Cause I’m calling myself insane
When I know you’re to blame
Tonight maybe I’ll be free
But who could ever love me

I can’t seem to keep it together even when I’m alone, singin’ in my car
Somewhere along the way I think I broke in two and now I have the mark of the dark star
You’re inside of my head and I see your face every time I close my eyes
I’m reminded by this cold bed every time I hear your echoing lies
For better and for worse
Carry me away in a hearse
I guess this is my curse

I'll use these blankets as cover
As I sleep without a lover
Because this pillow will lie
Right next to me as I deny

Everything that commits me

Please just let me go
I’m down on my knees
Oh, please release me
Oh, I’m begging you

I can’t seem to keep it together even when I’m alone, singin’ in my car
Somewhere along the way I think I broke in two and now I have the mark of the dark star
I guess when everything looks bleak and I’m up in the air at least I can breathe again
When trauma settles in and kicks its feet up I tremble as the sorrow grows within
I bet you don’t even look back and remember how it felt to walk hand in hand with me
I can’t imagine you even wondering how I’m holding up after this catastrophe

Now there’s no point in drying these eyes as I scream
Please just let me go!
I’m down on my knees again!

My firsts raised to the skies, just please end this dream
Oh, please release me!
God, I’m begging you!

“Silver Light”

You took my hand and led me right into your web
I never wanted to lose you, I was so prepared
For the rest of forever

But now I’m just a casualty
Your heart attacking homicide

Why even bother feeling the way that I do
When this rain is over I’m right back where I started
Like it never happened, you just move right along
Well I’m glad you take the scissors to our photos so easily
Cut me away and see yourself the way you truly are

But for some reason I can’t let go
And I’m crushed under my own grief
I’m glad you’re so content without me
And I’m so sorry I brought you so far down
Sincerely, your dead lover
Forever and ever and ever



I’m buried in the dirt
With all of my hurt
By your fangs deadly bite
And bathed in this silver light

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

“Harbinger of Shadow”

So I’m so sick of making myself sick
A gradient from progress to solitude
My throat is dry and my hands are numb
The drought is coming, warn the fish
I’m not about to lose my cool, no not today
Yesterday was definitely the worst day of my life
But tomorrow looks so much better than today
I guess I’m destined for something different
I’ve got my shields raised up and my gun loaded
Bang bang as I suffer in the whispering winds
As the stars danced over my head all I could think of was you
The weaving steps across the street like a ballad of fear
Nothing says goodbye like an empty glass, dear
All over my mind like the poison she coated it with
I let go in the street where people place their feet
Closely monitor me tonight because I’m not alright
I’m afraid I’m not walking in a straight line tonight
But take a look at all my teeth as I smile up wide
There’s nothing left on this side, believe me I tried

And I’m so sick of making myself sick

Sunday, April 11, 2010

“Hopeless Threnody”

I’m leading myself right over a cliff

I’m the naysayer; I’m the mental wreckage, the disposable camera. Now look at me and watch me explode over and over. The telepathic tragedy of my swinging fists comes to an end as my suffering bounces off of these four tiny walls. I am the laceration, the perfect pair of pistols under your pillow. A cold sweat takes over, my eyes dance around, back and forth as the poison takes hold. Now I’m the unintentional intruder, evasive and elusive, one in the same. “Where have you gone?” you might ask. A laugh is all you will get from me, dear believer. Madness is a welcome partner in this journey. These bed sheets still smell of your body, yet these arms don’t remember the feel of your skin.

Tragic…I will fall to my own heart; bled out by my own desires.
How then can the world crush one so young?

“Have you ever been on your knees, begging God for mercy?” He asked.

Turn around, shadow. Take me home; Un-tether what I have woven here. Show me the fangs of immorality, but don’t let them touch me. Take from me the life I have, for it is trivial. The next stage of humanity: The next step down this cruel and unrelenting path that has been forced in front of me. Let the thorns grow and stick in me as I walk it alone. From whence you came, brutality, return and show them that I am more than a match for anything they can throw at me.

A shinning light beams from the distance. “Ahh… and you are awake, are you?”
As consciousness returns to the troubled one, he parts his dry lips. “I think so…”
The sun beats down from the sky like a burning fist as he struggles to his feet.
Uneasy, the starved man creeps forward. “Please, tell me where I am, where I was.”
The bright figure shows its face momentarily, smiling as it disappears.
Surprised, the wavering figure falls backwards, barely catching himself.
To his utter amazement, he is suddenly bedazzled by a sparkling stone in the sand.
“What could this be?” He thought to himself, among many twisted thoughts already in his head.
Upon closer examination, the stone appeared to be a precious gemstone of some kind.
“Familiar, yet something I’ve never seen before.” He said aloud.

The sea roared and the man walked along the beach, holding the stone in his left hand.
Before he could even crack a smile at his good fortune, his eyes opened wide.
The skies turned to black and the ocean to a deep red.
The man looked down and saw that his precious stone had gone missing.
In a panic, he hurried his hands to the sand in search of his beloved jewel.
“Yes, panic, anxious human, for I am your destroyer. You will not be among the divine this day.”
The shadows crawled up behind the poor soul like an angry mob, ready for the attack, unrelenting.

Oh, but how does it end, oh precious perceiver. Death in the form of losing everything, unbeliever.
Bury your desire, lay rest to your headaches. Let your heart shatter over and over.
Let the sky rain thorns upon your flesh, let the soil your feet rest upon turn to flame.
Only then will you see that all you had and all you wish to be again is just a mere illusion.
That beating organ inside of you pumps blood through your veins it cannot possibly tell you what I cannot. It is no requiem for your sorrows; it is no beam of hope.

The past will haunt you like a murderous spirit.
Hopeless, you will cower among those who have tried.
You will bleed out upon the floor as they watch you, motionless.

Fixate yourself instead on the future to come.
Leave the past where it belongs, oh armored one.
Nothing can stop you now.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

“Dry Throat, Clenched Teeth”

I’m struggling to stand on my two feet
My fingernails digging into the dirt again
I can’t do this alone and I never could have
I need a hand tonight, I need a shoulder

I need to feel better I can’t feel better
Giving up is just too easy
This has gone on too long

Where is the end of this struggle?
Why must you take the easy way out?
Just this once, hear my plea!
I’m calling out on my knees!

I need to feel better I can’t feel better
Giving up is just too easy
This has gone on too long

Like you fell off the earth, you’re gone
But let me tell you that you still live on
My heart is growing and beating strong
You’ll never kill this heart, don’t even try

“The Antidote”

He grins as his hands move forward
Fingers dancing for the feast to come
The subject just sits in silence, unaware

Given up and given in
His most terrible sin

He cackles madly as the prey submits
The twisted one injects him with venom
Now a delusional pawn, he drags his feet along

Skies darken as the enemy rises up above
Caught off guard, they unravel upon the floor
Like lost diamonds scattered about the sand

Given up and given in
His most terrible sin

Awake, he is dazzled no more by this hex
For this is the night of the divine sword
Restore in him his vitality, merciful deity

Regret him not, fair maiden for he will thrive
His broken, battered soul will survive
With the holy glow inside, he’s come alive

Living at last, his heart is burning for you
No longer a life in darkness, out of the blue
On the wings of clarity he reigns true

The antidote is what he’s needed all along
Say what you will, beast, but he is strong
The glory cuts like a blade and is never wrong

Given up and given in
Fallen once but never again

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

“I Am Not The One”

So I’m waking up all over again with a new and different headache each day
Wondering when I’ll find my place in this broken world, oh I’m so close
I feel it

I’m so tired of being at the bottom of your list
Like everything means more than I do
More than I do

I’m not running anymore and I am not the one
Seeing clearly now and I’m not letting you walk all over me
I’m so through with it all; I’m so ready for a new flavor in my mouth
Here comes the flood and I should be far ahead by now

I find myself tangled in your web of memories, draining the life out of me
Cut the cord, relax your heart, take a deep breath and get up
Girl, best of luck to you and goodbye

I’m not running anymore
I am not the one
I am not the one
I am not the one

Tugging on me like a ravaging monstrosity
This acceptance is hard to swallow
I’m fallen to the maw of avoidance

I hope you’re happy with your decisions
Because this heart is void of you
No more falling down

Because I am not the one

Sunday, April 4, 2010


My fists loosen and catch the falling rain
You’re there like a ghost on a reel of film
They may not believe it but I feel it in me
It’s the way I felt about you, Jessica

I’ll always remember and I’ll always love you
These are the trials and the tribulations
I’m alive and I’m breathing, stronger than ever
Arise, injured phoenix, and learn to love again

The shadows may take us but we will survive
So long as we persevere in all that we do
The road ahead is a long one, dearest friend
Where the shades whisper, I am reborn

Saturday, April 3, 2010

“Tornados & Headaches”

So all of these wonderful memories of you plague my aching head,
My eyes catch on fire and my throat dries up like a river
It’s like I’m stuck under this dark cloud with no end in sight
Like it’s coming down, crushing on me
I’m finding out that it’s migraine season now
My lonely fingers fidgeting with a ring
That isn’t there anymore; like a phantom limb
But today is the day I am letting go
I’m going to stand back up
I’ve got a tornado in my head
Like I’m spinning around
All the things that you said
But this had to happen
To find my true soul mate
She must be out there
He is telling me
So I’m done
Hanging on
I let go

Friday, April 2, 2010

“The Bitter End”

When I look back I see everything I wanted, everything I needed
And I’m still trying to figure this out

How can you just take my heart and ball it up just to throw it away?
Where were you when I loved you?
Do you not understand?

It was so good and this is so fixable but you don’t even want to try
So just throw me away like garbage, apparently
It’s over, it’s over and you don’t even care
Like I’m supposed to be just fine
I’m stronger than ever and I still can’t take this
Though, I’m amazed I’m still standing
Oh God, now would be the perfect time to take us away
Take us away from this forsaken planet
Where love is so transformational

My eyes can’t take another glance
My heart can’t take another beat
So this is it not even one chance
So this is it, your craved defeat

The answer to your question: Just give up, just give up
It felt so right so why the hell was it so wrong
I don’t understand and I never will
This is killing me, killing me all over again

When all I wanted to do was love you
You couldn’t keep your eyes on the prize, girl
Instead you see the failure and accept it
For some reason and it makes no sense, at all
Because you said you would, you said you would
For better or worse and where does this leave me?

So here I am, broken again and again and again
Like I can take a beating over and over and keep breathing
This is not what I dreamed of, you would be so disappointed
If I brought you from the past to see all of this
You’d be so disgusted
You’d be so disgusted!!!