“Transfixed”

My eyes are appalled by your crimes tonight

My mouth gaping at the very sight

I can’t believe you and I’m totally through

It feels so damn good to let go

No more bleeding, no more sorrow.

If it hurts, throw it away.

I can’t believe you thought what you did was okay

Utterly breathless at how naive you truly are

Blind, blind girl, stay in your cave and hang upside down

I won’t fall, oh no these wings are burning

The ashes fluttering like fire flies

I’m reborn under this shining moon

Until there’s nothing left of me

Shivering chaos, take your ferocious course

Agony shall run in circles until it meets your sorry face

I can’t believe you thought what you did was okay

“Through the Static 90%”

I can see it now, the light at the end of the tunnel

I’ve got to get my worn out body to the end

I can make it.

The twin headed serpent queen dances around me

As I close my eyes I become digital and I can see

You for what you really are

A virus among the sanctuary, corruption of purity

I’ll catch fire as I ward you off with antibodies

Suck the venom from the wound

I can see clear as day that I need not say

I hope you have a great life without me

Maybe you’ll realize what you gave up

Who’s to say? But I know now that I am not worthless

I am a rare and different breed and there are none like me

You’d give up gold and diamonds for the common filth

Bury your head, child for I hold too much anger for you

Look away from mine eyes before I’m stricken ill with animosity

The motherboard is rearranged and the ghost dissipates

Oh, twin chaos this is the end of the darkest chapter

But this book is not at its end, tell me a new story, I beg of you

Settling snow upon a grievous land there I stood, upon the calm

“The Moth’s Shell”

The bitter taste of separation lingers yet upon the skin

But below all that has made me ill is something amazing

A beautiful flower on my depleted heart has blossomed

Its vines tangling with my veins and urging me back to life

The first breath back into the world takes me by surprise

I call out: “Have I earned my wings yet, oh captivator?”

The booming echo in my head is a sigh of dissatisfaction

But the land I set my feet upon is a great big world

Only when the night consumes me am I turned ill

The poison drips from her lips as I turn my back to the flames

(In slow motion) I toss my hope aside and continue forward

My eyes light the sky as the energy flows through me

And nothing can hold me back this time, not even agony

Each day anew, as I force the changes by my own deeds

Grateful for the friendship I am blessed with as I march on

This heart is beating slowly, taking it’s time to heal

One day it’ll be a beautiful garden once more

At the mercy of a beautiful gardener once again

"Under A Lovely Sky" [From The Vault] + "Under An Unsightly Sky" [Corruption]

"Under A Lovely Sky" - Circa 2007 - 2008

Like daylight anew, I'm rising again.

I find hardship around every single corner.

Yet, when I see her eyes, staring at mine,

I can't help but smile.

I don't know if ashes or earthquakes await me,

I do know that I'm not alone anymore.

It's like opening presents on Christmas morning.

She's my ever-lit candle.

We're both broken in so many ways,

But I think together we'll make it alright.

I'm pushing myself further than I thought I could.

My love is a tornado, taking everything with it.

Like a jewel in the water on the coast,

Just so easy to reach, and more so gorgeous.

My heart is yours forever, little butterfly.

Thick as steel, soft as a pillow.

Under a lovely sky.

“Under An Unsightly Sky" [Corruption]

Like daylight faded, I'm buried again.

I find infatuation around every single corner.

Yet, when I see her eyes, haunting my mind,

I can't help but catch fire.

It’s certainly ashes and earthquakes around me.

And I know that I'm alone again.

It's like passing out hearts for Halloween.

Her wick has burned out and glows no more.

We're both broken in so many ways,

But I think together we made one hell of a mess.

I'm pushing myself further into the dirt each day.

My agony is a tornado, taking everything with it.

Like a tainted jewel in the water on the coast,

Just so easy to reach, and more so hideous defeat.

My heart is torn to shreds, little butterfly,

Thick as steel and dry as sand.

Under an unsightly sky.

“Famine Among The Beasts”

They’ve gone mad with disease and they charge about aimlessly

All control is lost and stupidity takes over like a spreading sickness

The feast has arrived and the bloodthirsty tear into the meat

Oh what foolishness is this? And they seek out approval after their deeds

Someone tell me why they get it, someone leash those beasts

Blood and guts and torn ligaments strewn about the ground

Tusks and fangs and claws swinging in the air and I’ve just got myself here

But they destroy everything in their way ridden mad with disease

And there is no calm

“Hu(maN)”

And after so long, I become my own agony

That awkward glance, that unstable dance…

With the flame

Now I know how it feels to be wrong

Here I stand before my reflection, angry at what I see before me

Sick to my stomach, the very same beast that hurt me

You can’t force it; you can’t force your heart into beating

(I think I lost control now it’s taking its toll)

Nobody wants to have to say those words

So long I’ve been hearing them

So damn sick to hear myself say them

Not even this shattering mirror can fathom

My atrocities compel me as I spill my guts

Oh, fire, take me.

Now I know how it feels to be wrong

“Idle Stars”

Seems like I’m trapped here with my melancholy

The dawn has faded and black takes the night away

Not even the idle stars can be seen on this night

A light burns fiercely in the darkness, at last

But to my dismay, it is not hope, but anger

Burning brightly, consuming everything in its path

And the sleeping sun awakens to bring light to all of this

Joy takes hold for the time being, until the darkness sets again

Absolute chaos from dawn to dusk, every single day

“Hanging on to Frayed Rope”

Waking up wishing I hadn’t

I believe I’d rather be on the ocean

I like the wind better than the noise

I’m getting tired of feeling toxic

Breathing every breath like it’s my last

Maybe I should just sink my own ship

When my shade comes creeping back in

I just want to be your sunshine today

Sometimes I get so tired of my heart

I wish I could tear it out and give it away

But I’ve already done that I suppose

So now it keeps falling out of my chest

I’m falling to pieces over feeling complete

Every joy met with melancholy again

Where every sweet is followed by the sour

“Inhale Provocative; Exhale Sedative”

Like dawn after the darkest sky, I’m starting to feel alive

Was I not in a desert where none were thought to survive?

My barren heart has hope once again; it just won’t give in

I’m not speaking death and I’m not going to live a life of sin

I’m dreaming of mountain tops, where I want to be

Come, fair maiden, breathe life back into me

They call me foolish, they call me naïve

But it’s about time I start to believe

That this shattered room in my chest

Is not yet ready for its eternal rest

Sing me a song, write me a poem

One day I’ll feel like I belong

I’m waking up; I’m coming to my senses

Back up on my feet with raised defenses

The burden of having to live in sorrow

Oh but I pray today could be tomorrow

“Mimic”

Paint these skies red, because this love is dead

This is your solution; live among your pollution

A heart is a wonderful toy that you’ll always destroy

Enrich your desire and set everyone else on fire

“Wear Your Teeth”

Tonight is the night my skin’s on tight

With a digital arrangement of letters and punctual marks

I’m envious of myself for once and not those circuitry sharks

Wireframe, I’m afraid I’m the one to blame for your vacuity

With starved stomachs and feeble minds, proceed with acuity

Tonight is the night I will be all right

Like the sound of a dancing blade across a wooden table top

Underneath the noise encrusted room, her heart will stop

A brass button falls off of her dress and rolls under the closet door

His glass full of ice and a faint trace of whiskey, the night she’ll abhor

Tonight is the night I don’t suffer blight

Alas, sorrow parts and the sun decided to show it’d freakish face

Two nervous fingers thinking thoughts unclean as they caress her lace

That dress becomes the enemy as her body goes straight to his head

Radio waves shall mitigate the memories of which were painted deep red

Tonight is the night I can see your light

I’d wear my heart on my sleeve but it would be a bloody mess

Crimson agony flowing, interrupted as if unholy as we transgress

His anger would only lead to misanthrope, said the man in business attire

White-scarred knuckles against the table as he rose up and caught on fire

“Foolish Heart”

Life is losing flavor

I’m beginning to hate myself as I stare into the mirror

Death fills my lungs as I seek out happiness so desperately

The scar that will always burn in me, the rest of my life was…

In motion

Like a flickering candle

But the wax melted too quickly

And the flame submitted to darkness

I should be finding ways to enjoy my freedoms again

But I’m aching because I was never meant to fly solo

I can make it on my own but I’ve got romance in my veins

So I’m trapped in this prison, waiting for a new flame

The wind’s chill is a constant reminder that today is not the day

And they roll their eyes and shake their heads at my words

Maybe I’m psychotic; maybe I just can’t control my heart

Is love my vice? Am I doing things all wrong?

Oh patience, you’re really doing a number on me.

Look at the clock, mocking me with a cadence

Like a mechanical heartbeat, on time every time

The sun hurts my eyes and so does all of this

So maybe one of these days I’ll change my tune

And I can be without my harrowing headaches

I wish I could speak to my heart, I’d like to kindly explain that I wish it would refrain from feeling this way because I don’t know how to be okay. You shouldn’t even be longing for this again because it’s so daunting; to love again and be brave are you even sure you can be saved? Are you still waiting on a hero? You think she can pick you up from zero?

Foolish heart, is it better to lose love and long for it once more or long for it forever to never have lost it?

“…Hate Leads To Suffering”

Are you saying I’m unfit to be your lover?

And somebody else is your answer?

Am I not worth the fight anymore?

My heart is worthless

And I’m hopeless?

I’m not giving in to my fear

Your tongue is lined with poison

And my blood is thick with regret

Seems like nothing can lift my misery

Unholiest dreamer, end my agony

For I cannot breathe this in anymore

Stop dragging me down, broken promises

Listen to me, I surrender my tortured soul!

Oh, Father, take this pain from me

Before it crushes my decaying heart

Are you saying I’m unfit to be your lover?

And somebody else is your answer?

Am I not worth the fight anymore?

My heart is worthless

And I’m hopeless?

Well, I hope you never have to feel the way that I do right now.

Just know,

You had to have me

You had to have me!

Took me and burned me alive!

Just remember,

You had to have me

You had to have me!

Took me and burned me alive!

This thing is fragile

Like thin glass

Who could I trust…

With my frail heart?

I'm so scared, because,

Fear is the path…

“Heart Attack Homing Missile”

Like I’m falling in love at every sight

Abandoned in this room again, despite

Everything I see I want to touch, just like a child

I’m out of my mind and I’m driving myself wild

The cold rushes in as she makes an entrance

And I’m afraid I can’t even finish this sentence

I tell you, she’s got the most gorgeous eyes

And I just can’t stop thinking about her thighs

I’m anxious, over my heels, lacking the certainty

The silver wave of hurt has washed over me

I’m in need of a heroine like never before

Even now as the day makes its rise once more

I’ve got the sour taste of loneliness in my maw

And I’m constantly worried about my every flaw

I just need some of that sunshine today

Lay those lips on mine and blow me away

“Winged Fever” [From the Vault]

2007 again. Some of it fits the here and now, I think.

I called her sweet number

To form a disease from down under

A cure for my fierce jubilee

These pills won’t come for free

Do you like these iron fists

In your mouth when I’m pissed

Lightning will take our heads

When we run from the feds

Your skull is going to fall out

So tell me what this is about

There’s a beast in your face

Tearing you apart in place

Intestines like rain drops

And the beeping finally stops

Catching her with some stud

This phone call’s all covered in blood

Piano keys and dying trees.

Guitar strings for wedding rings.

Your face is much prettier

Fleshless without exterior

Can you hear the birds scream

For the lucid chainsaw dream

From poverty to tax on property

Your heart’s on fish hooks probably

Eaten away by bloodthirsty rats and mice

I’ll tear away the vice president’s vice

A leather whip taken to an attorney

You’ll find your bones on this journey

Through solace and infinite destruction

I’m bonding with a lost connection

“Worldless” [From the Vault]

2007, baby. I love how this one flows and it's simplicity is entertaining.

Colors dressed in black

Depressing, growing weak

Overcoming, stunning eyes

Converting everything back

Careful dreams perfecting

Toxic imagination waning

Elusive thoughts in motion

Tangled veins contorting

Nullifying concrete skies

Becoming younger yet

Devoting a bleeding mind

Forever is bound to wrists

“Up Above All That Has Consumed Me” [From the Vault]

Written in 2008... Odd how I feel exactly the same in my current situation as I did two years ago.

Needles’ point, stealing these memories

Numbing up, from the limbs up finally

Stop caring, stop hurting, and just take it all in

I shall mold my mind and leave friends behind

Like an escaping hand slipping under a seal

Crescent moon, save me a seat up in the sky

Have all the bad dreams finally left me?

Beaten, shattered hopes of renewal fade

A gentle mist and new eyes for tomorrow

“Through the Static”

Just like that, I am astonished

No more crossing wires of existence, no more electrical fires

Shut out the hybrid memories and imagination demons

I’ve been stuck in analog for so damn long

But I’m altering myself; I will become digital

Nothing makes me feel alive like your grace

Nothing else will work in your place

I’ll raise these burning walls up before I become a fallen server

My fingers dance around and this is it; this is the sound

The uncomfortable beeps of a computer

Trying so hard to connect in a time that is long gone

Reality is such a strange place to be

Even less sensible than hazy dreams

My voice will be heard as I learn to walk again

As I speak in hexadecimal, I will bleed out my sins

I haven’t felt this alive in so long…

I’m so ready; even when I’m down on all fours

Crawling toward the future as the walls shake apart

As I go on, standing up tall, I move through the static

In his name I pray…

Place your hand on my heart, never-ender

For I am your knight and I will never surrender

"Deceased Feast" [From the Vault]

I thought this one was pretty funny and it has some nice rhymes. It's from a mini series of poems I wrote about certain types of people missing the one thing they need most.

"Deceased Feast"

Oh hallowed be thy name

When they finish playing this game

And discover the final note

They’ll push the buttons on the remote

So stars will eat streetlamps

And zombies will aspire for dirty tramps

To summon the evil presence

That calls forth the silence

From my toy box to my death bed

Searching for a new head

Crumbling under the weight

Of an outlandish first date

Feeding upon human gelatin

Uniting the army of skeletons

To burn witches at the stake

And bury girls under lakes

Straying far from the great steeple

They devour all the innocent people

Thus trading entrails become habitual

Under the bloody sheets of this ritual

[The Lustful One deprived of self-control]

“No Angel” [From the Vault]

Alright, this one is from the vault. Luckily, I've saved every poem I've ever written on my computer. I don't have an exact year, but it's circa 2003. Ironic how old feelings tend to come back...

“No Angel”

From the back of an alley

You crawl through the dark

Through the heart with an iron fist

You close your eyes and shut me out

Above ground on perfect wings

I fall from your grasp, forever

Shattering like the past again

Here I am in the eternal nightmare

And you carry on with your ire

Aiming to drain my heart of life

You’ll never know what you meant

Until you throw your tears away…

Because I fail without you and your love

So here I am, so far away from heaven

Alone in the dark we collapse.

“Winding the Clock”

Oh, to be young again, with that fire burning so strong inside of me

Like the world could wait while I went the places I went

And did the things I did…

Nothing to worry about and nothing to capture me by surprise

Much like the moon before it’s caught in the night sky

And shown to the world

When things moved so slowly and everything was experienced for the first time

To be little again, oh to be so small the world couldn’t crush me

Let alone notice

And as I look up into the sky at night I’m reminded

How cold the cement is below me

Laying here as I did ten years ago

I can just see you kid, all grown up, against the world

Back when things were so simple and every day meant something new

When my sisters were always around and my mom and dad were my heroes

Back when I had no idea how cruel the world could be

Back before I met her, back before my feet met the freezing water at the ocean

When I was happy for no reason and did anything I wanted

Back when I didn’t know your face…

When I didn’t see your picture and break down, feeling worthless

When I didn’t pray with my fists clenched and my voice didn’t stagger

And I didn’t fall apart in my own two hands

Back when I was happy just riding my bike and playing in the sand

When video games and fantasies dazzled my mind and inspired me

And being alone was bearable

Back when I small

When I was unnoticeable

To this big bad world