Wednesday, December 29, 2010

“Exiting the Smokescreen”

The pit of hopelessness is now a flaming wake
Exiting the smokescreen, I realize I’m breathing cold air
Signs of life have returned to my heart
The ache is gone as I feel a new sense of home
With this beauty at my side, hand in hand
The maw of the world opens up to swallow me
But I’m the burning hand, placed on the pavement
I’ll turn my sorrow to ash and ascend to completion

Friday, December 3, 2010


Why carry the burden?
Always falling into a comfortable place
Like a bee’s stinger piercing the flesh
Yet we move forward…

Until our hearts stop

I woke up to another tragedy
An abandoned heart floats through the sky
Like a monster in a tiny box
And now I’m moving forward

Until my heart stops

But there’s always more
Like an unfinished book
Stained pages, left to rot
The hand cramped and couldn’t move forward

So his heart stopped

The moon drifts through the night
Consumed by the mist
Carrying that heart with it
And my will gaze upon it

Until my heart stops

Tuesday, October 26, 2010


A swarm in my mind
It’s warm in my heart
It’s the excuse I feed myself
The reason my eyes are weak

Crescent dreams light the sky
The mournful blackness spreads
The stars fight back with glowing lights
But the galaxy may burst at the seams

The wreckage becomes omnipotence
Every being reborn into nonexistence
As the abyss fades as reality collapses
But the world starts to reform anew

And energy washes over me
Falling stars have given me life once more
Suddenly I know what I have to do
And for once I’m not lost in this lucid dream

Sunday, October 17, 2010

“The End of All Static”

Say goodbye, twin sisters.
Fall short of my dreams.
Helpless in sorrow and
Faded by your screams…

It’s the untwisted, unraveled path.
Tomorrow is what I’m living for.
I’ve been searching for a lifetime
And now I’ve finally reached its core.

Here I wake up in the haze
I see a maiden among the trees
My vision still blurred from the salted waters.
Will this heart bring me to my knees?

Father, can you hear me when I call out to you?
Did you have any idea that I’d lost myself for a while?
Are you sure you’re listening; I just want to make sure…
On this legendary day you have brought me a smile!

I can’t seem to dry these swollen eyes…
What is this feeling? Could I be living again?
Revival of heart, I’m breathing once more.
From beneath the earth I arise with my skin.

Say goodbye, twin sisters.
A victory in my battlefield of dreams
The static is far behind me now.
No longer faded by your screams…

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

“Soulcastle” - *100th Blog Post!*

I’ve been fully restored; revived from the depths of dreams.
The face of terror was locking in my mind for far too long…
Now I just have to find my place in all of this chaos.
Should I take to the skies or take to the seas?

Mirrors check up on me while LCDs enthrall me.
The past makes a brilliant appearance in all of this.
Would words be enough to give you, I’d be satisfied.
This hunger within me seems to lash out at me.

Am I strong enough, with you on my side, never-ender?
Will I betray my own temptations at long last?
Will the night sky shed a single star for me?
All these unanswered questions leave me hesitant.

I’m no murderer, no offender, yet my sin lives within.
Nevertheless, I cannot fall short of myself any longer.
An aura overwhelms me and I find myself not so brittle.
And I find myself longing for a new frontier.

Monday, September 13, 2010

“Death Howl”

It courses through your head
And it won’t rest ‘til it’s been fed

Pray for your souls; the armored ants are advancing
The hills will fall to dust as the demons start dancing
Every life is forfeit by the end of the show
Darkness eternal, even in the white of snow

“I noticed you just couldn’t contain yourself today
When I cut you open and let all the blood spray”

A wave of light delays the passing of time
Death seeps into the air covering all in rime
Disintegrating last words escape his throat
The ashen skeleton would bellow and gloat

Freezing arms warming freezing bodies in vain
Vanquished as their spines contort in this domain
All your fallen will receive this one last boon
The risen shall feast on them until afternoon

All hope is lost beneath the ice
Only scraps now left to the mice

Hail to the throne of crows
This flesh will decompose
But there will be no end to this freeze
And the earth will abound with disease

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

“Chasing Dreams”

Daylight’s only sun burns down

Before the royal night offers its moon

And I’ve wandered the countryside

Lost in this spectacular dream of mine

Where friends and family are closest

And all I’ve ever wanted was in my grasp

For just a moment’s pause; a short breath

I’ve found love so brightly lit within me

As I stare into the eyes of the ocean

And she stares into the eyes of the forest

I’ve placed my mark upon this dusty map

As I cast away that which does not enrich me

I’ll pull all the stars down from the sky

Just to be closer to home, once and for all

Monday, August 9, 2010

"Go Go Humanity"

There is no escape...

A photon laser to cut the wicked smile from your face
Competitive hearts and break beats coded in binary
Your mind will ache and your fingers will tingle
Sore eyes and weapons of mass isolation

Technology enhanced in the eyes of the marauder
Tyrannosaurus Rex was a romantic before its time
Murdering with saw-bladed teeth to survive
Growing up so naïve in this information sea

Mechanical last words are heard from the scraping distance
Wake up with your hands tightly gripping your bedposts
For the eyes of the digital demons are envious today
Come away with me before this heat consumes you

Saturday, August 7, 2010

“Twelve Twelve”

Hey settler, don’t settle
A little bit of love and little bit of virtue
Today is the brightest day of the year
‘Cause this fire will never smolder

I’m facing the edge of the water
And I can see the little ripples
As I remember all of my sorrows
Holding on tightly to my revival

Can’t you see the stars up high?
Like confetti swimming the murky sky
Comes after eleven and just before thirteen
Drip drop, double double, I’m in love

Twelve-twelve and I’m home again

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Safe & Sound

I’m the virulent dreamer
And my eyes are wide open

Is that all you got?
He’s gone missing
Like my brain today

I’m sinking in a submarine below the shadow of a dream

I’m falling out, falling out, falling out
Like the pomegranate’s insides
The knife that destroys the migraines
I’m falling out, falling out, falling out
With the happenstance genocide
Pull the trigger and blow out my brains

I’m on fire and my eyes won’t budge
And now I’m my number one judge
I am wide awake with an Insomnia smile
Listen well and cast out your growing guile
I can see you, demon of the loose lips
Hidden in sorrow behind those swaying hips
The cougar’s mind is filled tight, so vulgar
Coated thick in cinnamon and sugar

Sunday, August 1, 2010


Mirror, mirror on the wall tell me why,
Tell me why…
If I could just rip off my own face
I think I’d make an excellent addition
To this society
Unarmed eyes
Make it big
Make money
Fake smile

You’re at the top of the world but it will come undone
The flames are licking at your face, you haven’t even noticed!

Mirror, mirror on the wall tell me why
Tell me why…
We can’t get ahead unless we bury the weak
There’s a place up here for you
All you have to do is climb
Forsake the poor
Unarmed eyes
Make it big
Make money
Fake smile

Thursday, July 29, 2010

“Through the Static: Dominion”

Electric voices are heard in the form of tiny buttons
They are pressed in succession in the correct order

And the password was accepted

Here comes the flow of release
Anathema can rest below my feet
I’ve got a date with the sun today
And the wires in the sky reformat
My aching face scribbles on my heart
A hand and a device is all we need

Goodbye, video demon
I’ve wiped clean this motherboard
I’m encircled by miracle-light
And I want you to know
This is my digital forgiveness

[End transmission]

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

“The King of Bears”

I will stand and I will not fall

I can crush your hopes and take what I want

You’ll run in fear and I’ll smell it in the air

You’ll cower in fear as I hunt you down

I can move boulders and roar the wilds apart

I’ll bring this whole forest down if I have to

You’ll put your feeble defenses up as I close in but

You can’t harm me because I’m the king of bears!

I’ll shred you with a single swing of my massive arms

I’m the king of bears and I’ll drag you into my lair

You’ll scream in pain as I cook you with my laser eyes

You’ll be so delicious as I tear into your roasting corpse

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

“Snake Prom”

Dot my eyes and cross my teeth
I swear to God, I won’t say another word
I slipped off the edge and now I can’t stop falling

Is this just a dream of an eternal decent?
Oh heavens no, it’s just my wishes come true
Has he truly lent an ear to my woes at last?
Heavenly father, I know my trials will bear fruit
And they have! (Oh yes they have!)

I’ve got the devil riding on my back today
Heaven’s light like a ballroom ceiling
And I’ll dance through space
And I’ll take time by the throat

Monday, July 26, 2010

“Five One Five”

There I am just trying to please you
And you throw it right back in my face
Let’s dress this all up in some disguise
And shake it like a salt shaker, baby
Foul mouthed like a loaded shotgun
So many serpents crawling around
But I’m the slug trapped in a ring of salt
My throats on fire and my eyes are burning
You want to go for a ride, baby?

I’m taking this thing downtown!
We’re going to crash through the walls
Fasten your seatbelt, baby!

We’re going downtown!

Sunday, July 25, 2010

“Gold Hope”

I hear a call to rise
And I will stand up tall
Face the earth with an open heart
Shed your light upon the darkest depths
Flames of hatred may burn bright
And blind those captivated by it
Like insects around a light bulb
There’s so much more out there
And you’re worth the effort
So just stand up tall
And listen for the call

Thursday, July 22, 2010

“The Sculptor”

I’ll seize the day by the horns and I will dig my little knife right into it
I’ll carve away all the excess and define it with great detail

Hope for heaven, leap for stars
I used to soar so high up there
But I wound up riding on wings of death
Yet this little glow of mine is new
A different colored flame burns now
Could it be, oh could it be?

Love is but a faint and distant memory?

But you’re wrong, as there is someone here to see you
“Hello” she said as I noticed her beautiful smile

The golden sun rose as I discovered something unique
We’re both infatuated by one another
Gentle spirit, you are welcome here

Oh, discord; leave me for my heart is in need of strength
Father, armor me!
I am ready and I accept this,
New love.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

“To Weep Before the Moon”

I’ve given up, lost myself in my entirety
A fist full of fury and a heart with no path
Is there nothing else for me in this darkness?

Take this frenzy from me; I no longer care for it
I would sooner slay my own kind than sink to the dregs
I will never share your hunger for decimation

I forsake myself on this night
I’ll shed these tears before the moon
Stripped bare upon the light
Lain upon me is this, most holy boon

Thursday, July 15, 2010

"White Knight"

Are you there?
Is this all of your doing?
Is your hand in this, Father?

My heart has suffered wrath and felt the flames of anguish
But I put my faith in you and I knelt down and prayed for days.

Could this be your gift to me?
Take this life from me
No longer am I a dark knight
Release me from this noose!

Am I on fire or is my heart glowing?
Can I possibly stand any taller now?

Tears in my eyes as I cast that dark armor to the ground!
Give me instead your holy armaments, guard me, Lord.

I will no longer walk the path of anguish
I am a white knight and I will not break
I can be strong for you, oh dreamer
I aspire to be everything that you need
I will crush my deadly sins below my feet

I am the white knight and I will not break
I can be strong for you, oh dreamer

And I think I’m falling…


There’s a place where my heart glows
It’s set on the horizon, where the wind blows
Over mountains where the water flows
In the heavens with my eternal repose
As the darkness keeps me on my toes
The reign of suffering comes to a close
I’m wearing a grin and holding a rose
Plant this seed and pray that it grows

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

“The Last 17 Minutes of My Life”

Oh God have you heard my aches, my pleas!?
Won’t you lift me from my bleeding knees?

Oh, Father, will I descend upon this upturned knife?
Let me tell you about the last seventeen minutes of my life!

Grace rain down on me and tear the flesh from my face!
Nights like these make me realize your love can never be replaced!

Merciful hands jet from the sky and aim for my throat tonight.
As my body is broken for you I shall fulfill my divine right.

The suffering is worse than all of your nightmares and fears,
As my blood is spilled for you, oh, father, shed no tears.

I am the son and I will be spit upon and ridiculed by you all,
But remember the death on your lips will be your downfall.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

“Unconscious Picture Show”

Hey impatient,
Why is there a grin in your face?
How did we get here in the first place?

Oh faithful, blinded by your sugar-coated melancholy.
The pit of scissor pointed fire becomes an aphrodisiac.
Aggravated by the sudden ending of your story!

Where did you go, subtle dreamer?
A maniacal laughter fills the room…
As I cower before the towering king!

Write a list of sinful souls and put my name at the top!
Reptile skin, wire hair and plastic promises…
Soak the abomination in gasoline and toss a match over your shoulder!

Burn that forsaken mutant to the filth it rests upon!
Cackle again, suppressor and your head will be mine.
I will walk away from this alive, dearest demon.

Saturday, July 10, 2010


The end of suffering.
The prolonged severance of a brutal entity
And its ripened heart, set for self termination.

These eyes are open, these doors are closing
Encumbering is the benign king of all
Let the resilience wash over you.

They hiss in the air like serpents
Their stingers are like daggers
You must bow your head!

“Turn away from them, you do not need them
Face the sky and call out my name!
I will carry you away!”

Shuddering as it overwhelms me,
These eyes are open!

“Don’t Panic!”

Don’t panic

My head is day dreaming somewhere
No longer snared in a dangerous nightmare

I’ve not yet given up
I’m not crippled by fear
I’m not gonna…

My head is day dreaming somewhere
The beating strengthens in my chest’s lair

I’ve not yet given up
I’m not crippled by fear
I’m not gonna panic!

Precious savior, guide me
My guardian, my soul’s fire
What say you, oh Lord?

Don’t Panic!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

“The Ever Rising Sun”

Taken in by my surroundings
Returning to where I’d left off
Almost as if I found myself up there
Where I thought I shed my shell
A spirit has reunited with me on this day
The air brushing against me gently
The sun warming up my soul again
My fists loosen as my heart thaws
The trees and hills cover the horizon
Joyous are these, days of revival
Standing tall with wings spread
A journey to the future unfolds
And I’ve finally got a smile on my face

Sunday, July 4, 2010

“Little Sorrow”

Little sorrow,
Can you feel my beating heart?
No tomorrow
With your insides torn apart

Should I face the mirror?
Do I have anything to fear?

How many times did I die, after you and I?
Did I know how sore I would be, after you and me?
And how did I not realize the plot for our demise?

One day you will feel just like me and I won’t be there for you


Little sorrow,
Can you feel my beating heart?
No tomorrow
With your insides torn apart

Should I face the mirror?
Do I have anything to fear?
Should I face the mirror?
Do I have anything to fear?

Friday, July 2, 2010


Woken by a blinding light,
My fists rise up for a fight,
But my eyes are blinded
It is of hope I am reminded

I am enshrined by that which defeats me
Cursed with eyes that do not truly see
Yet, I take courageous flight in this abyss
Armored to the teeth, awaiting a maiden’s kiss

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

“Lecherous Me”

When progress is a step forward with every word I say
The Earth can outrun me in its rotation with each day
Am I coming down with something; have I been stricken ill?
The flesh I crave so hopelessly is consuming me still
My eyes deceive me as her thighs will tease me
Am I a monster as I speak the unspeakable plea?
Her body is so beautiful and I just want a taste
My mind becomes the victor in a war of cut and paste
I’ve got melancholy riding shotgun as I return to my home
Are my dirty thoughts going to corrode my heart of chrome?

The sex I crave, the hunger within
A rising fire, an all-consuming sin

Saturday, June 26, 2010

“Sunshine, Shores, Transcendence”

Am I coming to grips with my humanity?
I’ve seen a new side of myself today
I found a place to fit in with my family
I feel like an uncle for the first time
And not just another familiar face
The sunshine warms my troubled heart
And the coast calms my anxious soul
Light the darkened sky on fire for me

A confident step into manhood
I’m seeing through my façade
The wind and trees all move for me
And the sun lights the sky today
Maybe I am alone but I am searching
I know the love of my life is out there
She’s probably crying, calling out for me
When she finds me I’ll be her everything

I am growing and I am gaining strength
I will break away from my sorrow
Slay my weaknesses and march onward
I will grow into a beautiful tree
Blessed by the earth and sky
I will come out of this cocoon
And you will see my beautiful wings

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

“Anchors Aweigh Ye Lonesome”

My hand wishes for a seat within another’s hand
My head is begging for a rest upon her shoulder
My eyes are too tired and my legs are too weak
I feel like I can’t move an inch in this subtle death
Companionship blowing in the wind behind me
And I’m eagerly awaiting the next installment
A wish upon a star is but a fish upon a sea

Saturday, June 19, 2010

“Among The Feathers”

She’s got me right where she wants me
I’m the number dialed out of necessity
Keeping me just close enough for comfort
I become zombified as I continue forward

Those thoughts creep back into my head
And throw me right back to the ground
Where I started

But I won’t
(No, no I won’t)
I won’t let myself be so weak this time

She’s got me right where she wants me
(She’s got me right where she needs me)
I’m the number dialed out of necessity
(The number much less dialed out of desire)
Keeping me just close enough for comfort
(She keeps me just far enough away)
I become zombified as I continue forward
(Reaching out as slowly move toward the sunlight)
As if I were hungering for the next day of my life

But I won’t!
(No, no I won’t)
I won’t let myself be so weak this time!

I call out to myself in the mirror
I will face you!

I've got to throw this away
I've got to look away

For I know that
Oh precious, you do exist somewhere
Above the horizon and over those rolling hills
This is not you, this is not meant for me
I have to become who I want to be
Before I can let you see

I send my love from across time
Know that I am being strong for you

She’s got me right where she wants me
I’m the number dialed out of necessity
Keeping me just close enough for comfort
I become zombified as I continue forward

I call out to myself in the mirror
(I send my love from across time)
I will face you!
(Know that I am being strong for you)
I call out to myself in the mirror
(I send my love from across time)
I will face you!
(Know that I am being strong for you)

I won’t let myself be so weak this time!
I am not weak
I will not break
I am not weak
I will not break!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

“Metamorphosis 47% Complete”

Cut the skin and let the reason flow
Dress the wound and pray for your soul
Reality is but a dream in this sequence
The words painted across your silly face
Break your mental capacity and evolve
A new species to be found within yourself
But you must let go of your humanity
The soil will not judge you as you walk upon it
Those eyes however must be torn out
Become what you’ve always wanted to be
Fade into coma as you unleash your mind

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

“Burning Down Your White Flag”

So you’re unhappy,
You’re the bearer
Of your own misfortune
Throw your apathy away
And fight back!
Change your life

Destroy yourself
Tear out your insides
Rebuild from the ashes
Reshape who you are
Force your own hands
Change your life.

If it pains you, toss it aside
If it calls out your name, ignore it
Break free of your bonded mentality
Burn down your unholy enclosures
March on and never surrender
Change your life.

Monday, June 14, 2010

“Meta-Ghost: The Unwavering Saint”

Coarse skin, thick air
The fog weighs heavy today
I wish I could stop breathing

Oh moonlit sky, the desert has taken me in
Pray, as the skies are augmented with overcast dreams
My mind is on shuffle as I proceed through this preliminary
The ocean calls out to me, drawing me near, am I losing it?

Wrecked soul, ruined smile
A growing flame with freshly cut wood at its heart
And I wish I could stop breathing

I dream of being weightless so the wind could take me
These walls are melting and twisting all around me, laughing
They can read my mind and they watch everything I do
I’m jaded; I want no more of this helpless indecency

Unclean thoughts, motionless heart
These fists tighten around the neck that bore them
I will stop breathing

Saturday, June 12, 2010

“Birthed In Oil”

There were tentacles and wires
There were no lights, no fires
Then a hand slipped through
The womb of thick black goo
Take my hand! Take my hand!
I need you now before I can stand
Flesh slipped through the oily canal
Not quite what I’d call natural
Are we all alone among these stars?
Am I stuck here with all these scars?
With no home left to return to?
Just darkness, no lights, no view
These mutated beasts draw near
And we’ve succumbed to our fear
Blow torches in hand, hungering for skin
Escape now, the wrath of the ugly twin
Get inside if you want to live, eject, eject!
This darkness is not what you expect!

Friday, June 11, 2010

“Royal Ghost: The Age of Crimson”

I’ll enjoy the scenery as my heart speeds up
A nervous motion upon a marvelous sun rise
Neither light nor dark can guide this lost soul
I’ll find myself raising my fists to the sky again
Only to be faced by another astounding grin
I think this world is going to swallow me whole
Or I’ll end up bleeding out before my very eyes
Bathe in gold, oh humble soldier, and raise your cup!

And you want it bad
You want it, you want it bad
Don’t you, boy?

That gaze, that grin, oh it’s turning me to stone
Seems I’ll crumble before I feel myself alive again
Breathe in, breathe out, exoskeletal emotional reign
Favor us now, oh distant sun, I need this morning glow
Must I come crashing down upon myself to muster a ‘hello’?
I find myself spinning in circles over this, wracking my brain
This is the age of crimson and we’re all bathing in sin
Radio silence consumes me as I constantly check my phone

And you want it bad
You want it, you want it bad
Don’t you, boy?
Get over yourself

You’re a ghost wearing a robe and a crown
Unholy host, burning the globe and gown
Just give up

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

“OF Fury & Fortune”

Funny thing about the sun is that after it abandons you
It comes right back, just as bright as before
And all you have to do is have a little patience
This is the faith you need to have in yourself

[Before you fall apart]

Shut yourself up before you destroy the world
Relish in your blessings before they crumble
It’s not easy living with yourself in dark times

Feign not, for the future is worth waiting for
Reach out with your palm wide open and receive
The things I’m trying to tell you

When it brings you sorrow
When it brings you agony
Tear out your heart
Listen to your soul

So shut yourself up before you destroy us all
Relish in your blessings before they crumble
I know it’s not easy living with yourself in darkness

But feign not, the future is so worth waiting for
So reach out with your palm wide open and receive
The things I’m trying to get through to you

When it brings you sorrow
When it brings you sorrow
[Throw it away]
When it brings you agony
When it brings you agony
[Tear out your heart]
Listen to your soul
[Listen to your soul]
Listen to your soul!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

“Mourn, Phantasmal Shore”

The silent waters begged for my return on this night, it seems
I left my iron shell for a moment and traveled to the exact spot
That I knelt down and gave her three things on that overcast night
A white rose for eternal friendship and a red rose for eternal love
And that ring she knew I had, the one she waited so eagerly for
But the times have changed and the ocean brings different waters
Ghosts have come and haunted me but this night is cleansed
The drive home was a reminder of everyone else I’d been with
Each area a memory of a beautiful girl and a time now long gone
It’s as if no matter how bad it hurts, it’s just another recollection
And I can’t stop fidgeting; now I’m at the edge of my seat
As I come home and stuff another wad of cash in my jar
I’ll take this worn out soul halfway across the country if I have to
Dying for an escape, not from the sorrow but from the reminders
And I don’t need to prove to any of you that I’m over all of this
My heart beats for the next page, a blank canvas before me
I’m waiting for my fair maiden to arrive and spill her colors upon it
Paint me a new tomorrow, dearest stranger, I’m waiting patiently
I’ll take this anguish to the grave, but I won’t wallow in it any longer
Wraith upon wraith on these dark shores, oh unhallowed boon
Wreck yourself no more, fellow spirit, for the stars shine tonight

Saturday, June 5, 2010

“Sonnet to Your Defeat”

From the catacombs an echo is heard
Rotting skulls rolling around, absurd
Where the light travels underground
Is where your deathbed can be found
My wings will spread and I will not fail
I will not cower for I am no longer frail
I am on my rise and I shall never halt
Dear treasured spirit, this is your fault
And this is where my sword will rest
Alas, buried deep inside of your chest
There is no hope for you dearest rival
They’ll mourn as they witness my revival
An ending draws near as darkness falls
With your blood I shall paint the walls

“Anathema On High”

Pushing me down
Pushing me down
Bury me with a crown

I’m tired of your little white lies and I’m tired of your excuses
I’m tired of your confrontation and I’m tired of you

I am the northerner
And my rage will not rest on this day

Those advances are heard and they are not the first, nor the last
You detest me and I will not forgive what I cannot comprehend
You hurt me in so many ways and for what? You had to have me
You had to have me!

So just think about that as you take up your cup and toast a brand new tragedy
You are pestilent and I am so far away from feeling anything but this deep shade
How can I be your friend when you’ve ruined so much of who I am?
Have you no morels, no heart, no head, no hurt?

I burn this to the ground because I cannot look upon it anymore without anguish
It’s sad to see it end in flames but she’s burning down
I wish you the best of luck when I’m in my right mind
But these fleeting emotions, these fists form so easily
I’m afraid its goodbye and I hope you get what you deserve

“Everything Around Beauty Is Made Ugly”

I’m wary just giving thought to these things anymore
Speaking of them only breathes life into them and death into me

I’m the wild card; fitting in wherever you need me
But for some reason I find myself in the discard pile
Someone tell me why young beautiful flesh is so unobtainable
Like sentient beings among men they stride with petty concerns
All of this is giving me a migraine as I push myself toward the morrow
Steadying my nervous hand and attempting to ignore those whispers

And as for all of you, dear thoughts, stay your charm and linger
For dreams and ambitions will bring me far but what you’re doing is…


Fantasies and desires set this liar liar on fire
Fantasies and desires all the things I admire

Blessed shadow, rise up and claim your throne
Your potential is greater than that of mine
I’ve been bludgeoned; Broken every bone
I’ll wake up after all of this one day feeling just…

Thursday, June 3, 2010

“Vile Rose: The Human Heartache”

Is it just me or is it hot in here?
Is it just me?
Or am I catching fire!?

I’m in my own little world but it’s starting to feel like I’m stuck in it.
Through the tinted glass I can see the poison spill
Eating alive the flesh before it seeps its way through the concrete

Oh god, have mercy
I’m relying on my own self control tonight
I’ve found security in my hallucinations
I’m become a burning mass of thought
The stars will be jealous, don’t you think?

“When every breath you take is a breath back to life
And your body is stained with the soil you took your slumber below
The death that became you slowly slips away through your fingers
And your heart starts to beat again as dawn rises up behind your back
You might be caught off guard but it might just be your lucky day”

But might is a powerful word…
I might just fall asleep and dream of the same horrors all over again
What If I give this heart away once more and it’s not strong enough?
What shall I do when I am turned to stone yet again, never-ender?
I am living history; a long cycle of distress, astonishing in my ignorance

“So I’ll course your veins
I’ll read your mind
I can even feel your heart
Fear me not

Oh, fear me not, dearest boy!
I wish not for your agony
You will see in due time
For I am love and I am eternal!”

"Black Holiday"

I've got these Booming emotions from times now past, echoing in the silence of my apathetic mind. A phone call for a million brooding blood vessels and I'm more concerned about my right to carry my fists tightly locked.

So I'm corrupted and I'm going mad
So they say

I find myself starring at the stars trying to make sense out of my life, secretly hoping they'd all fall out of the sky and come crashing down. Dawn's burning mass of security lies just over the selfish horizon.

So I'm bitter and I'm always sad
So they say

I want to travel the country side and escape my unsatisfactory course of action; I was meant for greater things than these. I'll claim my place in this world and topple all visions you had of me as I rise up from this deathbed.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

“Ascension One-Twenty”

It’s the adrenaline rush when someone is in dire need
It’s the dehydration after pushing yourself too far
It’s the dry tears after you’ve ripped out your aching heart

It’s the dawn of a new day
The sun is always shinning and the trees all move with the same rhythm
It’s the sparkles on the ocean and the stars in the sky at the end of the night
My fists loosen and my worn out face cracks a smile for once


It’s the way everyone disappears in a thunderstorm
My feet breaking into a stride even when faced with a brick wall
It’s the self conscious ever whispering in my mind
Letting the fresh air breathe life back into me

Sunday, May 30, 2010


My eyes are appalled by your crimes tonight
My mouth gaping at the very sight

I can’t believe you and I’m totally through
It feels so damn good to let go

No more bleeding, no more sorrow.
If it hurts, throw it away.

I can’t believe you thought what you did was okay

Utterly breathless at how naive you truly are
Blind, blind girl, stay in your cave and hang upside down

I won’t fall, oh no these wings are burning
The ashes fluttering like fire flies

I’m reborn under this shining moon
Until there’s nothing left of me

Shivering chaos, take your ferocious course
Agony shall run in circles until it meets your sorry face

I can’t believe you thought what you did was okay

Friday, May 28, 2010

“Through the Static 90%”

I can see it now, the light at the end of the tunnel
I’ve got to get my worn out body to the end
I can make it.

The twin headed serpent queen dances around me
As I close my eyes I become digital and I can see
You for what you really are

A virus among the sanctuary, corruption of purity
I’ll catch fire as I ward you off with antibodies
Suck the venom from the wound

I can see clear as day that I need not say
I hope you have a great life without me
Maybe you’ll realize what you gave up

Who’s to say? But I know now that I am not worthless
I am a rare and different breed and there are none like me
You’d give up gold and diamonds for the common filth

Bury your head, child for I hold too much anger for you
Look away from mine eyes before I’m stricken ill with animosity
The motherboard is rearranged and the ghost dissipates

Oh, twin chaos this is the end of the darkest chapter
But this book is not at its end, tell me a new story, I beg of you
Settling snow upon a grievous land there I stood, upon the calm

“The Moth’s Shell”

The bitter taste of separation lingers yet upon the skin
But below all that has made me ill is something amazing
A beautiful flower on my depleted heart has blossomed
Its vines tangling with my veins and urging me back to life
The first breath back into the world takes me by surprise
I call out: “Have I earned my wings yet, oh captivator?”
The booming echo in my head is a sigh of dissatisfaction
But the land I set my feet upon is a great big world
Only when the night consumes me am I turned ill
The poison drips from her lips as I turn my back to the flames
(In slow motion) I toss my hope aside and continue forward
My eyes light the sky as the energy flows through me
And nothing can hold me back this time, not even agony
Each day anew, as I force the changes by my own deeds
Grateful for the friendship I am blessed with as I march on
This heart is beating slowly, taking it’s time to heal
One day it’ll be a beautiful garden once more
At the mercy of a beautiful gardener once again

Thursday, May 27, 2010

"Under A Lovely Sky" [From The Vault] + "Under An Unsightly Sky" [Corruption]

"Under A Lovely Sky" - Circa 2007 - 2008

Like daylight anew, I'm rising again.
I find hardship around every single corner.
Yet, when I see her eyes, staring at mine,
I can't help but smile.

I don't know if ashes or earthquakes await me,
I do know that I'm not alone anymore.
It's like opening presents on Christmas morning.
She's my ever-lit candle.

We're both broken in so many ways,
But I think together we'll make it alright.
I'm pushing myself further than I thought I could.
My love is a tornado, taking everything with it.

Like a jewel in the water on the coast,
Just so easy to reach, and more so gorgeous.
My heart is yours forever, little butterfly.
Thick as steel, soft as a pillow.

Under a lovely sky.

“Under An Unsightly Sky" [Corruption]

Like daylight faded, I'm buried again.
I find infatuation around every single corner.
Yet, when I see her eyes, haunting my mind,
I can't help but catch fire.

It’s certainly ashes and earthquakes around me.
And I know that I'm alone again.
It's like passing out hearts for Halloween.
Her wick has burned out and glows no more.

We're both broken in so many ways,
But I think together we made one hell of a mess.
I'm pushing myself further into the dirt each day.
My agony is a tornado, taking everything with it.

Like a tainted jewel in the water on the coast,
Just so easy to reach, and more so hideous defeat.
My heart is torn to shreds, little butterfly,
Thick as steel and dry as sand.

Under an unsightly sky.

“Famine Among The Beasts”

They’ve gone mad with disease and they charge about aimlessly
All control is lost and stupidity takes over like a spreading sickness
The feast has arrived and the bloodthirsty tear into the meat
Oh what foolishness is this? And they seek out approval after their deeds
Someone tell me why they get it, someone leash those beasts
Blood and guts and torn ligaments strewn about the ground
Tusks and fangs and claws swinging in the air and I’ve just got myself here
But they destroy everything in their way ridden mad with disease
And there is no calm

Wednesday, May 26, 2010


And after so long, I become my own agony

That awkward glance, that unstable dance…

With the flame

Now I know how it feels to be wrong

Here I stand before my reflection, angry at what I see before me

Sick to my stomach, the very same beast that hurt me

You can’t force it; you can’t force your heart into beating

(I think I lost control now it’s taking its toll)

Nobody wants to have to say those words

So long I’ve been hearing them

So damn sick to hear myself say them

Not even this shattering mirror can fathom

My atrocities compel me as I spill my guts

Oh, fire, take me.

Now I know how it feels to be wrong

Monday, May 24, 2010

“Idle Stars”

Seems like I’m trapped here with my melancholy
The dawn has faded and black takes the night away
Not even the idle stars can be seen on this night

A light burns fiercely in the darkness, at last
But to my dismay, it is not hope, but anger
Burning brightly, consuming everything in its path

And the sleeping sun awakens to bring light to all of this
Joy takes hold for the time being, until the darkness sets again
Absolute chaos from dawn to dusk, every single day

Sunday, May 23, 2010

“Hanging on to Frayed Rope”

Waking up wishing I hadn’t
I believe I’d rather be on the ocean
I like the wind better than the noise

I’m getting tired of feeling toxic
Breathing every breath like it’s my last
Maybe I should just sink my own ship

When my shade comes creeping back in
I just want to be your sunshine today
Sometimes I get so tired of my heart

I wish I could tear it out and give it away
But I’ve already done that I suppose
So now it keeps falling out of my chest

I’m falling to pieces over feeling complete
Every joy met with melancholy again
Where every sweet is followed by the sour

Friday, May 21, 2010

“Inhale Provocative; Exhale Sedative”

Like dawn after the darkest sky, I’m starting to feel alive
Was I not in a desert where none were thought to survive?

My barren heart has hope once again; it just won’t give in
I’m not speaking death and I’m not going to live a life of sin

I’m dreaming of mountain tops, where I want to be
Come, fair maiden, breathe life back into me

They call me foolish, they call me naïve
But it’s about time I start to believe

That this shattered room in my chest
Is not yet ready for its eternal rest

Sing me a song, write me a poem
One day I’ll feel like I belong

I’m waking up; I’m coming to my senses
Back up on my feet with raised defenses

The burden of having to live in sorrow
Oh but I pray today could be tomorrow

Wednesday, May 19, 2010


Paint these skies red, because this love is dead
This is your solution; live among your pollution
A heart is a wonderful toy that you’ll always destroy
Enrich your desire and set everyone else on fire

“Wear Your Teeth”

Tonight is the night my skin’s on tight

With a digital arrangement of letters and punctual marks

I’m envious of myself for once and not those circuitry sharks

Wireframe, I’m afraid I’m the one to blame for your vacuity

With starved stomachs and feeble minds, proceed with acuity

Tonight is the night I will be all right

Like the sound of a dancing blade across a wooden table top

Underneath the noise encrusted room, her heart will stop

A brass button falls off of her dress and rolls under the closet door

His glass full of ice and a faint trace of whiskey, the night she’ll abhor

Tonight is the night I don’t suffer blight

Alas, sorrow parts and the sun decided to show it’d freakish face

Two nervous fingers thinking thoughts unclean as they caress her lace

That dress becomes the enemy as her body goes straight to his head

Radio waves shall mitigate the memories of which were painted deep red

Tonight is the night I can see your light

I’d wear my heart on my sleeve but it would be a bloody mess

Crimson agony flowing, interrupted as if unholy as we transgress

His anger would only lead to misanthrope, said the man in business attire

White-scarred knuckles against the table as he rose up and caught on fire

Monday, May 17, 2010

“Foolish Heart”

Life is losing flavor
I’m beginning to hate myself as I stare into the mirror
Death fills my lungs as I seek out happiness so desperately
The scar that will always burn in me, the rest of my life was…

In motion

Like a flickering candle
But the wax melted too quickly
And the flame submitted to darkness
I should be finding ways to enjoy my freedoms again
But I’m aching because I was never meant to fly solo
I can make it on my own but I’ve got romance in my veins
So I’m trapped in this prison, waiting for a new flame
The wind’s chill is a constant reminder that today is not the day
And they roll their eyes and shake their heads at my words
Maybe I’m psychotic; maybe I just can’t control my heart
Is love my vice? Am I doing things all wrong?
Oh patience, you’re really doing a number on me.
Look at the clock, mocking me with a cadence
Like a mechanical heartbeat, on time every time
The sun hurts my eyes and so does all of this

So maybe one of these days I’ll change my tune
And I can be without my harrowing headaches

I wish I could speak to my heart, I’d like to kindly explain that I wish it would refrain from feeling this way because I don’t know how to be okay. You shouldn’t even be longing for this again because it’s so daunting; to love again and be brave are you even sure you can be saved? Are you still waiting on a hero? You think she can pick you up from zero?

Foolish heart, is it better to lose love and long for it once more or long for it forever to never have lost it?

“…Hate Leads To Suffering”

Are you saying I’m unfit to be your lover?
And somebody else is your answer?
Am I not worth the fight anymore?

My heart is worthless
And I’m hopeless?

I’m not giving in to my fear
Your tongue is lined with poison
And my blood is thick with regret
Seems like nothing can lift my misery
Unholiest dreamer, end my agony
For I cannot breathe this in anymore
Stop dragging me down, broken promises
Listen to me, I surrender my tortured soul!
Oh, Father, take this pain from me
Before it crushes my decaying heart

Are you saying I’m unfit to be your lover?
And somebody else is your answer?
Am I not worth the fight anymore?

My heart is worthless
And I’m hopeless?

Well, I hope you never have to feel the way that I do right now.
Just know,

You had to have me
You had to have me!
Took me and burned me alive!

Just remember,

You had to have me
You had to have me!
Took me and burned me alive!

This thing is fragile
Like thin glass
Who could I trust…
With my frail heart?

I'm so scared, because,
Fear is the path…

Sunday, May 9, 2010

“Heart Attack Homing Missile”

Like I’m falling in love at every sight
Abandoned in this room again, despite
Everything I see I want to touch, just like a child
I’m out of my mind and I’m driving myself wild

The cold rushes in as she makes an entrance
And I’m afraid I can’t even finish this sentence
I tell you, she’s got the most gorgeous eyes
And I just can’t stop thinking about her thighs

I’m anxious, over my heels, lacking the certainty
The silver wave of hurt has washed over me
I’m in need of a heroine like never before
Even now as the day makes its rise once more

I’ve got the sour taste of loneliness in my maw
And I’m constantly worried about my every flaw
I just need some of that sunshine today
Lay those lips on mine and blow me away

Thursday, May 6, 2010

“Winged Fever” [From the Vault]

2007 again. Some of it fits the here and now, I think.

I called her sweet number

To form a disease from down under

A cure for my fierce jubilee

These pills won’t come for free

Do you like these iron fists

In your mouth when I’m pissed

Lightning will take our heads

When we run from the feds

Your skull is going to fall out

So tell me what this is about

There’s a beast in your face

Tearing you apart in place

Intestines like rain drops

And the beeping finally stops

Catching her with some stud

This phone call’s all covered in blood

Piano keys and dying trees.

Guitar strings for wedding rings.

Your face is much prettier

Fleshless without exterior

Can you hear the birds scream

For the lucid chainsaw dream

From poverty to tax on property

Your heart’s on fish hooks probably

Eaten away by bloodthirsty rats and mice

I’ll tear away the vice president’s vice

A leather whip taken to an attorney

You’ll find your bones on this journey

Through solace and infinite destruction

I’m bonding with a lost connection

“Worldless” [From the Vault]

2007, baby. I love how this one flows and it's simplicity is entertaining.

Colors dressed in black

Depressing, growing weak

Overcoming, stunning eyes

Converting everything back

Careful dreams perfecting

Toxic imagination waning

Elusive thoughts in motion

Tangled veins contorting

Nullifying concrete skies

Becoming younger yet

Devoting a bleeding mind

Forever is bound to wrists

“Up Above All That Has Consumed Me” [From the Vault]

Written in 2008... Odd how I feel exactly the same in my current situation as I did two years ago.

Needles’ point, stealing these memories

Numbing up, from the limbs up finally

Stop caring, stop hurting, and just take it all in

I shall mold my mind and leave friends behind

Like an escaping hand slipping under a seal

Crescent moon, save me a seat up in the sky

Have all the bad dreams finally left me?

Beaten, shattered hopes of renewal fade

A gentle mist and new eyes for tomorrow

“Through the Static”

Just like that, I am astonished
No more crossing wires of existence, no more electrical fires
Shut out the hybrid memories and imagination demons

I’ve been stuck in analog for so damn long
But I’m altering myself; I will become digital

Nothing makes me feel alive like your grace
Nothing else will work in your place

I’ll raise these burning walls up before I become a fallen server
My fingers dance around and this is it; this is the sound

The uncomfortable beeps of a computer
Trying so hard to connect in a time that is long gone

Reality is such a strange place to be
Even less sensible than hazy dreams

My voice will be heard as I learn to walk again
As I speak in hexadecimal, I will bleed out my sins

I haven’t felt this alive in so long…
I’m so ready; even when I’m down on all fours
Crawling toward the future as the walls shake apart
As I go on, standing up tall, I move through the static

In his name I pray…

Place your hand on my heart, never-ender
For I am your knight and I will never surrender

Monday, May 3, 2010

"Deceased Feast" [From the Vault]

I thought this one was pretty funny and it has some nice rhymes. It's from a mini series of poems I wrote about certain types of people missing the one thing they need most.

"Deceased Feast"

Oh hallowed be thy name

When they finish playing this game

And discover the final note

They’ll push the buttons on the remote

So stars will eat streetlamps

And zombies will aspire for dirty tramps

To summon the evil presence

That calls forth the silence

From my toy box to my death bed

Searching for a new head

Crumbling under the weight

Of an outlandish first date

Feeding upon human gelatin

Uniting the army of skeletons

To burn witches at the stake

And bury girls under lakes

Straying far from the great steeple

They devour all the innocent people

Thus trading entrails become habitual

Under the bloody sheets of this ritual

[The Lustful One deprived of self-control]

“No Angel” [From the Vault]

Alright, this one is from the vault. Luckily, I've saved every poem I've ever written on my computer. I don't have an exact year, but it's circa 2003. Ironic how old feelings tend to come back...

“No Angel”

From the back of an alley
You crawl through the dark

Through the heart with an iron fist
You close your eyes and shut me out

Above ground on perfect wings
I fall from your grasp, forever

Shattering like the past again
Here I am in the eternal nightmare

And you carry on with your ire
Aiming to drain my heart of life

You’ll never know what you meant
Until you throw your tears away…

Because I fail without you and your love
So here I am, so far away from heaven

Alone in the dark we collapse.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

“Winding the Clock”

Oh, to be young again, with that fire burning so strong inside of me
Like the world could wait while I went the places I went
And did the things I did…

Nothing to worry about and nothing to capture me by surprise
Much like the moon before it’s caught in the night sky
And shown to the world

When things moved so slowly and everything was experienced for the first time
To be little again, oh to be so small the world couldn’t crush me
Let alone notice

And as I look up into the sky at night I’m reminded
How cold the cement is below me
Laying here as I did ten years ago

I can just see you kid, all grown up, against the world

Back when things were so simple and every day meant something new
When my sisters were always around and my mom and dad were my heroes
Back when I had no idea how cruel the world could be

Back before I met her, back before my feet met the freezing water at the ocean
When I was happy for no reason and did anything I wanted
Back when I didn’t know your face…

When I didn’t see your picture and break down, feeling worthless
When I didn’t pray with my fists clenched and my voice didn’t stagger
And I didn’t fall apart in my own two hands

Back when I was happy just riding my bike and playing in the sand
When video games and fantasies dazzled my mind and inspired me
And being alone was bearable

Back when I small
When I was unnoticeable
To this big bad world

Saturday, April 24, 2010

“Mark of the Dark Star”

Girl, I gave you my best
But, don’t hold your breath
Cause I’m calling myself insane
When I know you’re to blame
Tonight maybe I’ll be free
But who could ever love me

I can’t seem to keep it together even when I’m alone, singin’ in my car
Somewhere along the way I think I broke in two and now I have the mark of the dark star
You’re inside of my head and I see your face every time I close my eyes
I’m reminded by this cold bed every time I hear your echoing lies
For better and for worse
Carry me away in a hearse
I guess this is my curse

I'll use these blankets as cover
As I sleep without a lover
Because this pillow will lie
Right next to me as I deny

Everything that commits me

Please just let me go
I’m down on my knees
Oh, please release me
Oh, I’m begging you

I can’t seem to keep it together even when I’m alone, singin’ in my car
Somewhere along the way I think I broke in two and now I have the mark of the dark star
I guess when everything looks bleak and I’m up in the air at least I can breathe again
When trauma settles in and kicks its feet up I tremble as the sorrow grows within
I bet you don’t even look back and remember how it felt to walk hand in hand with me
I can’t imagine you even wondering how I’m holding up after this catastrophe

Now there’s no point in drying these eyes as I scream
Please just let me go!
I’m down on my knees again!

My firsts raised to the skies, just please end this dream
Oh, please release me!
God, I’m begging you!

“Silver Light”

You took my hand and led me right into your web
I never wanted to lose you, I was so prepared
For the rest of forever

But now I’m just a casualty
Your heart attacking homicide

Why even bother feeling the way that I do
When this rain is over I’m right back where I started
Like it never happened, you just move right along
Well I’m glad you take the scissors to our photos so easily
Cut me away and see yourself the way you truly are

But for some reason I can’t let go
And I’m crushed under my own grief
I’m glad you’re so content without me
And I’m so sorry I brought you so far down
Sincerely, your dead lover
Forever and ever and ever



I’m buried in the dirt
With all of my hurt
By your fangs deadly bite
And bathed in this silver light

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

“Harbinger of Shadow”

So I’m so sick of making myself sick
A gradient from progress to solitude
My throat is dry and my hands are numb
The drought is coming, warn the fish
I’m not about to lose my cool, no not today
Yesterday was definitely the worst day of my life
But tomorrow looks so much better than today
I guess I’m destined for something different
I’ve got my shields raised up and my gun loaded
Bang bang as I suffer in the whispering winds
As the stars danced over my head all I could think of was you
The weaving steps across the street like a ballad of fear
Nothing says goodbye like an empty glass, dear
All over my mind like the poison she coated it with
I let go in the street where people place their feet
Closely monitor me tonight because I’m not alright
I’m afraid I’m not walking in a straight line tonight
But take a look at all my teeth as I smile up wide
There’s nothing left on this side, believe me I tried

And I’m so sick of making myself sick

Sunday, April 11, 2010

“Hopeless Threnody”

I’m leading myself right over a cliff

I’m the naysayer; I’m the mental wreckage, the disposable camera. Now look at me and watch me explode over and over. The telepathic tragedy of my swinging fists comes to an end as my suffering bounces off of these four tiny walls. I am the laceration, the perfect pair of pistols under your pillow. A cold sweat takes over, my eyes dance around, back and forth as the poison takes hold. Now I’m the unintentional intruder, evasive and elusive, one in the same. “Where have you gone?” you might ask. A laugh is all you will get from me, dear believer. Madness is a welcome partner in this journey. These bed sheets still smell of your body, yet these arms don’t remember the feel of your skin.

Tragic…I will fall to my own heart; bled out by my own desires.
How then can the world crush one so young?

“Have you ever been on your knees, begging God for mercy?” He asked.

Turn around, shadow. Take me home; Un-tether what I have woven here. Show me the fangs of immorality, but don’t let them touch me. Take from me the life I have, for it is trivial. The next stage of humanity: The next step down this cruel and unrelenting path that has been forced in front of me. Let the thorns grow and stick in me as I walk it alone. From whence you came, brutality, return and show them that I am more than a match for anything they can throw at me.

A shinning light beams from the distance. “Ahh… and you are awake, are you?”
As consciousness returns to the troubled one, he parts his dry lips. “I think so…”
The sun beats down from the sky like a burning fist as he struggles to his feet.
Uneasy, the starved man creeps forward. “Please, tell me where I am, where I was.”
The bright figure shows its face momentarily, smiling as it disappears.
Surprised, the wavering figure falls backwards, barely catching himself.
To his utter amazement, he is suddenly bedazzled by a sparkling stone in the sand.
“What could this be?” He thought to himself, among many twisted thoughts already in his head.
Upon closer examination, the stone appeared to be a precious gemstone of some kind.
“Familiar, yet something I’ve never seen before.” He said aloud.

The sea roared and the man walked along the beach, holding the stone in his left hand.
Before he could even crack a smile at his good fortune, his eyes opened wide.
The skies turned to black and the ocean to a deep red.
The man looked down and saw that his precious stone had gone missing.
In a panic, he hurried his hands to the sand in search of his beloved jewel.
“Yes, panic, anxious human, for I am your destroyer. You will not be among the divine this day.”
The shadows crawled up behind the poor soul like an angry mob, ready for the attack, unrelenting.

Oh, but how does it end, oh precious perceiver. Death in the form of losing everything, unbeliever.
Bury your desire, lay rest to your headaches. Let your heart shatter over and over.
Let the sky rain thorns upon your flesh, let the soil your feet rest upon turn to flame.
Only then will you see that all you had and all you wish to be again is just a mere illusion.
That beating organ inside of you pumps blood through your veins it cannot possibly tell you what I cannot. It is no requiem for your sorrows; it is no beam of hope.

The past will haunt you like a murderous spirit.
Hopeless, you will cower among those who have tried.
You will bleed out upon the floor as they watch you, motionless.

Fixate yourself instead on the future to come.
Leave the past where it belongs, oh armored one.
Nothing can stop you now.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

“Dry Throat, Clenched Teeth”

I’m struggling to stand on my two feet
My fingernails digging into the dirt again
I can’t do this alone and I never could have
I need a hand tonight, I need a shoulder

I need to feel better I can’t feel better
Giving up is just too easy
This has gone on too long

Where is the end of this struggle?
Why must you take the easy way out?
Just this once, hear my plea!
I’m calling out on my knees!

I need to feel better I can’t feel better
Giving up is just too easy
This has gone on too long

Like you fell off the earth, you’re gone
But let me tell you that you still live on
My heart is growing and beating strong
You’ll never kill this heart, don’t even try

“The Antidote”

He grins as his hands move forward
Fingers dancing for the feast to come
The subject just sits in silence, unaware

Given up and given in
His most terrible sin

He cackles madly as the prey submits
The twisted one injects him with venom
Now a delusional pawn, he drags his feet along

Skies darken as the enemy rises up above
Caught off guard, they unravel upon the floor
Like lost diamonds scattered about the sand

Given up and given in
His most terrible sin

Awake, he is dazzled no more by this hex
For this is the night of the divine sword
Restore in him his vitality, merciful deity

Regret him not, fair maiden for he will thrive
His broken, battered soul will survive
With the holy glow inside, he’s come alive

Living at last, his heart is burning for you
No longer a life in darkness, out of the blue
On the wings of clarity he reigns true

The antidote is what he’s needed all along
Say what you will, beast, but he is strong
The glory cuts like a blade and is never wrong

Given up and given in
Fallen once but never again

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

“I Am Not The One”

So I’m waking up all over again with a new and different headache each day
Wondering when I’ll find my place in this broken world, oh I’m so close
I feel it

I’m so tired of being at the bottom of your list
Like everything means more than I do
More than I do

I’m not running anymore and I am not the one
Seeing clearly now and I’m not letting you walk all over me
I’m so through with it all; I’m so ready for a new flavor in my mouth
Here comes the flood and I should be far ahead by now

I find myself tangled in your web of memories, draining the life out of me
Cut the cord, relax your heart, take a deep breath and get up
Girl, best of luck to you and goodbye

I’m not running anymore
I am not the one
I am not the one
I am not the one

Tugging on me like a ravaging monstrosity
This acceptance is hard to swallow
I’m fallen to the maw of avoidance

I hope you’re happy with your decisions
Because this heart is void of you
No more falling down

Because I am not the one

Sunday, April 4, 2010


My fists loosen and catch the falling rain
You’re there like a ghost on a reel of film
They may not believe it but I feel it in me
It’s the way I felt about you, Jessica

I’ll always remember and I’ll always love you
These are the trials and the tribulations
I’m alive and I’m breathing, stronger than ever
Arise, injured phoenix, and learn to love again

The shadows may take us but we will survive
So long as we persevere in all that we do
The road ahead is a long one, dearest friend
Where the shades whisper, I am reborn

Saturday, April 3, 2010

“Tornados & Headaches”

So all of these wonderful memories of you plague my aching head,
My eyes catch on fire and my throat dries up like a river
It’s like I’m stuck under this dark cloud with no end in sight
Like it’s coming down, crushing on me
I’m finding out that it’s migraine season now
My lonely fingers fidgeting with a ring
That isn’t there anymore; like a phantom limb
But today is the day I am letting go
I’m going to stand back up
I’ve got a tornado in my head
Like I’m spinning around
All the things that you said
But this had to happen
To find my true soul mate
She must be out there
He is telling me
So I’m done
Hanging on
I let go

Friday, April 2, 2010

“The Bitter End”

When I look back I see everything I wanted, everything I needed
And I’m still trying to figure this out

How can you just take my heart and ball it up just to throw it away?
Where were you when I loved you?
Do you not understand?

It was so good and this is so fixable but you don’t even want to try
So just throw me away like garbage, apparently
It’s over, it’s over and you don’t even care
Like I’m supposed to be just fine
I’m stronger than ever and I still can’t take this
Though, I’m amazed I’m still standing
Oh God, now would be the perfect time to take us away
Take us away from this forsaken planet
Where love is so transformational

My eyes can’t take another glance
My heart can’t take another beat
So this is it not even one chance
So this is it, your craved defeat

The answer to your question: Just give up, just give up
It felt so right so why the hell was it so wrong
I don’t understand and I never will
This is killing me, killing me all over again

When all I wanted to do was love you
You couldn’t keep your eyes on the prize, girl
Instead you see the failure and accept it
For some reason and it makes no sense, at all
Because you said you would, you said you would
For better or worse and where does this leave me?

So here I am, broken again and again and again
Like I can take a beating over and over and keep breathing
This is not what I dreamed of, you would be so disappointed
If I brought you from the past to see all of this
You’d be so disgusted
You’d be so disgusted!!!

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

“Helium in My Veins”

“Hey there young one, head up high as you march on”
He smiles as his hand extends to my shoulder from the sky
“It’s easier to fall than it is to fly, don’t you think?”
The other laughs as the angels leave the sky an empty blue
“Crushed below the shadow of a dream again aren’t I?”
I mumble to myself as I start to realize I’m not alone
I can’t help but laugh in the face of disaster as my eyes open
I’m a burning star and I can’t see the past my own flame
My headaches and heartbreaks are a shattering reminder
That I’m a volatile disaster, wrecking havoc upon myself
Sorrow intensified by an uneasy swarm of tiny thoughts
But the dawn will always follow even the darkest of nights
My wings are made of endless potential and aspiration
Demons lash out as I walk my path, but I pay them no mind
For the trees will survive as their leaves decorate the ground
And your heart will survive as your tears decorate your pillow
Honest, I’m finding a happiness sifting around inside of me
The deity watches me and my legion follows closely behind me
I’m done giving up on myself and I’m done giving up on you