“Exiting the Smokescreen”

The pit of hopelessness is now a flaming wake

Exiting the smokescreen, I realize I’m breathing cold air

Signs of life have returned to my heart

The ache is gone as I feel a new sense of home

With this beauty at my side, hand in hand

The maw of the world opens up to swallow me

But I’m the burning hand, placed on the pavement

I’ll turn my sorrow to ash and ascend to completion

“Moonswallow”

Why carry the burden?

Always falling into a comfortable place

Like a bee’s stinger piercing the flesh

Yet we move forward…

Until our hearts stop

I woke up to another tragedy

An abandoned heart floats through the sky

Like a monster in a tiny box

And now I’m moving forward

Until my heart stops

But there’s always more

Like an unfinished book

Stained pages, left to rot

The hand cramped and couldn’t move forward

So his heart stopped

The moon drifts through the night

Consumed by the mist

Carrying that heart with it

And my will gaze upon it

Until my heart stops

"Oath"

A swarm in my mind

It’s warm in my heart

It’s the excuse I feed myself

The reason my eyes are weak

Crescent dreams light the sky

The mournful blackness spreads

The stars fight back with glowing lights

But the galaxy may burst at the seams

The wreckage becomes omnipotence

Every being reborn into nonexistence

As the abyss fades as reality collapses

But the world starts to reform anew

And energy washes over me

Falling stars have given me life once more

Suddenly I know what I have to do

And for once I’m not lost in this lucid dream

“The End of All Static”

Say goodbye, twin sisters.

Fall short of my dreams.

Helpless in sorrow and

Faded by your screams…

It’s the untwisted, unraveled path.

Tomorrow is what I’m living for.

I’ve been searching for a lifetime

And now I’ve finally reached its core.

Here I wake up in the haze

I see a maiden among the trees

My vision still blurred from the salted waters.

Will this heart bring me to my knees?

Father, can you hear me when I call out to you?

Did you have any idea that I’d lost myself for a while?

Are you sure you’re listening; I just want to make sure…

On this legendary day you have brought me a smile!

I can’t seem to dry these swollen eyes…

What is this feeling? Could I be living again?

Revival of heart, I’m breathing once more.

From beneath the earth I arise with my skin.

Say goodbye, twin sisters.

A victory in my battlefield of dreams

The static is far behind me now.

No longer faded by your screams…

“Soulcastle” - *100th Blog Post!*

I’ve been fully restored; revived from the depths of dreams.

The face of terror was locking in my mind for far too long…

Now I just have to find my place in all of this chaos.

Should I take to the skies or take to the seas?

Mirrors check up on me while LCDs enthrall me.

The past makes a brilliant appearance in all of this.

Would words be enough to give you, I’d be satisfied.

This hunger within me seems to lash out at me.

Am I strong enough, with you on my side, never-ender?

Will I betray my own temptations at long last?

Will the night sky shed a single star for me?

All these unanswered questions leave me hesitant.

I’m no murderer, no offender, yet my sin lives within.

Nevertheless, I cannot fall short of myself any longer.

An aura overwhelms me and I find myself not so brittle.

And I find myself longing for a new frontier.

“Death Howl”

It courses through your head

And it won’t rest ‘til it’s been fed

Pray for your souls; the armored ants are advancing

The hills will fall to dust as the demons start dancing

Every life is forfeit by the end of the show

Darkness eternal, even in the white of snow

“I noticed you just couldn’t contain yourself today

When I cut you open and let all the blood spray”

A wave of light delays the passing of time

Death seeps into the air covering all in rime

Disintegrating last words escape his throat

The ashen skeleton would bellow and gloat

Freezing arms warming freezing bodies in vain

Vanquished as their spines contort in this domain

All your fallen will receive this one last boon

The risen shall feast on them until afternoon

All hope is lost beneath the ice

Only scraps now left to the mice

Hail to the throne of crows

This flesh will decompose

But there will be no end to this freeze

And the earth will abound with disease

“Chasing Dreams”

Daylight’s only sun burns down

Before the royal night offers its moon

And I’ve wandered the countryside

Lost in this spectacular dream of mine

Where friends and family are closest

And all I’ve ever wanted was in my grasp

For just a moment’s pause; a short breath

I’ve found love so brightly lit within me

As I stare into the eyes of the ocean

And she stares into the eyes of the forest

I’ve placed my mark upon this dusty map

As I cast away that which does not enrich me

I’ll pull all the stars down from the sky

Just to be closer to home, once and for all

"Go Go Humanity"

There is no escape...

A photon laser to cut the wicked smile from your face

Competitive hearts and break beats coded in binary

Your mind will ache and your fingers will tingle

Sore eyes and weapons of mass isolation

Technology enhanced in the eyes of the marauder

Tyrannosaurus Rex was a romantic before its time

Murdering with saw-bladed teeth to survive

Growing up so naïve in this information sea

Mechanical last words are heard from the scraping distance

Wake up with your hands tightly gripping your bedposts

For the eyes of the digital demons are envious today

Come away with me before this heat consumes you

“Twelve Twelve”

Hey settler, don’t settle

A little bit of love and little bit of virtue

Today is the brightest day of the year

‘Cause this fire will never smolder

I’m facing the edge of the water

And I can see the little ripples

As I remember all of my sorrows

Holding on tightly to my revival

Can’t you see the stars up high?

Like confetti swimming the murky sky

Comes after eleven and just before thirteen

Drip drop, double double, I’m in love

Twelve-twelve and I’m home again

Safe & Sound

I’m the virulent dreamer

And my eyes are wide open

Is that all you got?

He’s gone missing

Like my brain today

I’m sinking in a submarine below the shadow of a dream

I’m falling out, falling out, falling out

Like the pomegranate’s insides

The knife that destroys the migraines

I’m falling out, falling out, falling out

With the happenstance genocide

Pull the trigger and blow out my brains

I’m on fire and my eyes won’t budge

And now I’m my number one judge

I am wide awake with an Insomnia smile

Listen well and cast out your growing guile

I can see you, demon of the loose lips

Hidden in sorrow behind those swaying hips

The cougar’s mind is filled tight, so vulgar

Coated thick in cinnamon and sugar

“333”

Mirror, mirror on the wall tell me why,

Tell me why…

If I could just rip off my own face

I think I’d make an excellent addition

To this society

Unarmed eyes

Make it big

Make money

Fake smile

You’re at the top of the world but it will come undone

The flames are licking at your face, you haven’t even noticed!

Mirror, mirror on the wall tell me why

Tell me why…

We can’t get ahead unless we bury the weak

There’s a place up here for you

All you have to do is climb

Forsake the poor

Unarmed eyes

Make it big

Make money

Fake smile

“Through the Static: Dominion”

&

&

Electric voices are heard in the form of tiny buttons

They are pressed in succession in the correct order

And the password was accepted

Here comes the flow of release

Anathema can rest below my feet

I’ve got a date with the sun today

And the wires in the sky reformat

My aching face scribbles on my heart

A hand and a device is all we need

Goodbye, video demon

I’ve wiped clean this motherboard

I’m encircled by miracle-light

And I want you to know

This is my digital forgiveness

[End transmission]

“The King of Bears”

I will stand and I will not fall

I can crush your hopes and take what I want

You’ll run in fear and I’ll smell it in the air

You’ll cower in fear as I hunt you down

I can move boulders and roar the wilds apart

I’ll bring this whole forest down if I have to

You’ll put your feeble defenses up as I close in but

You can’t harm me because I’m the king of bears!

I’ll shred you with a single swing of my massive arms

I’m the king of bears and I’ll drag you into my lair

You’ll scream in pain as I cook you with my laser eyes

You’ll be so delicious as I tear into your roasting corpse

“Snake Prom”

&

Dot my eyes and cross my teeth

I swear to God, I won’t say another word

I slipped off the edge and now I can’t stop falling

Is this just a dream of an eternal decent?

Oh heavens no, it’s just my wishes come true

Has he truly lent an ear to my woes at last?

Heavenly father, I know my trials will bear fruit

And they have! (Oh yes they have!)

I’ve got the devil riding on my back today

Heaven’s light like a ballroom ceiling

And I’ll dance through space

And I’ll take time by the throat

“Five One Five”

There I am just trying to please you

And you throw it right back in my face

Let’s dress this all up in some disguise

And shake it like a salt shaker, baby

Foul mouthed like a loaded shotgun

So many serpents crawling around

But I’m the slug trapped in a ring of salt

My throats on fire and my eyes are burning

You want to go for a ride, baby?

I’m taking this thing downtown!

We’re going to crash through the walls

Fasten your seatbelt, baby!

We’re going downtown!

“Gold Hope”

I hear a call to rise

And I will stand up tall

Face the earth with an open heart

Shed your light upon the darkest depths

Flames of hatred may burn bright

And blind those captivated by it

Like insects around a light bulb

There’s so much more out there

And you’re worth the effort

So just stand up tall

And listen for the call

“The Sculptor”

I’ll seize the day by the horns and I will dig my little knife right into it

I’ll carve away all the excess and define it with great detail

Hope for heaven, leap for stars

I used to soar so high up there

But I wound up riding on wings of death

Yet this little glow of mine is new

A different colored flame burns now

Could it be, oh could it be?

Love is but a faint and distant memory?

But you’re wrong, as there is someone here to see you

“Hello” she said as I noticed her beautiful smile

The golden sun rose as I discovered something unique

We’re both infatuated by one another

Gentle spirit, you are welcome here

Oh, discord; leave me for my heart is in need of strength

Father, armor me!

I am ready and I accept this,

New love.

“To Weep Before the Moon”

I’ve given up, lost myself in my entirety

A fist full of fury and a heart with no path

Is there nothing else for me in this darkness?

Take this frenzy from me; I no longer care for it

I would sooner slay my own kind than sink to the dregs

I will never share your hunger for decimation

I forsake myself on this night

I’ll shed these tears before the moon

Stripped bare upon the light

Lain upon me is this, most holy boon

"White Knight"

Are you there?

Is this all of your doing?

Is your hand in this, Father?

My heart has suffered wrath and felt the flames of anguish

But I put my faith in you and I knelt down and prayed for days.

Could this be your gift to me?

Take this life from me

No longer am I a dark knight

Release me from this noose!

Am I on fire or is my heart glowing?

Can I possibly stand any taller now?

Tears in my eyes as I cast that dark armor to the ground!

Give me instead your holy armaments, guard me, Lord.

I will no longer walk the path of anguish

I am a white knight and I will not break

I can be strong for you, oh dreamer

I aspire to be everything that you need

I will crush my deadly sins below my feet

I am the white knight and I will not break

I can be strong for you, oh dreamer

And I think I’m falling…

“Juxtapose”

There’s a place where my heart glows

It’s set on the horizon, where the wind blows

Over mountains where the water flows

In the heavens with my eternal repose

As the darkness keeps me on my toes

The reign of suffering comes to a close

I’m wearing a grin and holding a rose

Plant this seed and pray that it grows

“The Last 17 Minutes of My Life”

Oh God have you heard my aches, my pleas!?

Won’t you lift me from my bleeding knees?

Oh, Father, will I descend upon this upturned knife?

Let me tell you about the last seventeen minutes of my life!

Grace rain down on me and tear the flesh from my face!

Nights like these make me realize your love can never be replaced!

Merciful hands jet from the sky and aim for my throat tonight.

As my body is broken for you I shall fulfill my divine right.

The suffering is worse than all of your nightmares and fears,

As my blood is spilled for you, oh, father, shed no tears.

I am the son and I will be spit upon and ridiculed by you all,

But remember the death on your lips will be your downfall.

“Unconscious Picture Show”

Hey impatient,

Why is there a grin in your face?

How did we get here in the first place?

Oh faithful, blinded by your sugar-coated melancholy.

The pit of scissor pointed fire becomes an aphrodisiac.

Aggravated by the sudden ending of your story!

Where did you go, subtle dreamer?

A maniacal laughter fills the room…

As I cower before the towering king!

Write a list of sinful souls and put my name at the top!

Reptile skin, wire hair and plastic promises…

Soak the abomination in gasoline and toss a match over your shoulder!

Burn that forsaken mutant to the filth it rests upon!

Cackle again, suppressor and your head will be mine.

I will walk away from this alive, dearest demon.

“Beehive”

The end of suffering.

The prolonged severance of a brutal entity

And its ripened heart, set for self termination.

These eyes are open, these doors are closing

Encumbering is the benign king of all

Let the resilience wash over you.

They hiss in the air like serpents

Their stingers are like daggers

You must bow your head!

“Turn away from them, you do not need them

Face the sky and call out my name!

I will carry you away!”

Shuddering as it overwhelms me,

These eyes are open!

“Don’t Panic!”

Don’t panic

My head is day dreaming somewhere

No longer snared in a dangerous nightmare

I’ve not yet given up

I’m not crippled by fear

I’m not gonna…

My head is day dreaming somewhere

The beating strengthens in my chest’s lair

I’ve not yet given up

I’m not crippled by fear

I’m not gonna panic!

Precious savior, guide me

My guardian, my soul’s fire

What say you, oh Lord?

Don’t Panic!

“The Ever Rising Sun”

Taken in by my surroundings

Returning to where I’d left off

Almost as if I found myself up there

Where I thought I shed my shell

A spirit has reunited with me on this day

The air brushing against me gently

The sun warming up my soul again

My fists loosen as my heart thaws

The trees and hills cover the horizon

Joyous are these, days of revival

Standing tall with wings spread

A journey to the future unfolds

And I’ve finally got a smile on my face

“Little Sorrow”

Little sorrow,

Can you feel my beating heart?

No tomorrow

With your insides torn apart

Should I face the mirror?

Do I have anything to fear?

How many times did I die, after you and I?

Did I know how sore I would be, after you and me?

And how did I not realize the plot for our demise?

One day you will feel just like me and I won’t be there for you

Oh

Little sorrow,

Can you feel my beating heart?

No tomorrow

With your insides torn apart

Should I face the mirror?

Do I have anything to fear?

Should I face the mirror?

Do I have anything to fear?

“Tincture”

Woken by a blinding light,

My fists rise up for a fight,

But my eyes are blinded

It is of hope I am reminded

I am enshrined by that which defeats me

Cursed with eyes that do not truly see

Yet, I take courageous flight in this abyss

Armored to the teeth, awaiting a maiden’s kiss

“Lecherous Me”

When progress is a step forward with every word I say

The Earth can outrun me in its rotation with each day

Am I coming down with something; have I been stricken ill?

The flesh I crave so hopelessly is consuming me still

My eyes deceive me as her thighs will tease me

Am I a monster as I speak the unspeakable plea?

Her body is so beautiful and I just want a taste

My mind becomes the victor in a war of cut and paste

I’ve got melancholy riding shotgun as I return to my home

Are my dirty thoughts going to corrode my heart of chrome?

The sex I crave, the hunger within

A rising fire, an all-consuming sin

“Sunshine, Shores, Transcendence”

Am I coming to grips with my humanity?

I’ve seen a new side of myself today

I found a place to fit in with my family

I feel like an uncle for the first time

And not just another familiar face

The sunshine warms my troubled heart

And the coast calms my anxious soul

Light the darkened sky on fire for me

A confident step into manhood

I’m seeing through my façade

The wind and trees all move for me

And the sun lights the sky today

Maybe I am alone but I am searching

I know the love of my life is out there

She’s probably crying, calling out for me

When she finds me I’ll be her everything

I am growing and I am gaining strength

I will break away from my sorrow

Slay my weaknesses and march onward

I will grow into a beautiful tree

Blessed by the earth and sky

I will come out of this cocoon

And you will see my beautiful wings

“Anchors Aweigh Ye Lonesome”

My hand wishes for a seat within another’s hand

My head is begging for a rest upon her shoulder

My eyes are too tired and my legs are too weak

I feel like I can’t move an inch in this subtle death

Companionship blowing in the wind behind me

And I’m eagerly awaiting the next installment

A wish upon a star is but a fish upon a sea

“Among The Feathers”

She’s got me right where she wants me

I’m the number dialed out of necessity

Keeping me just close enough for comfort

I become zombified as I continue forward

Yet

Those thoughts creep back into my head

And throw me right back to the ground

Where I started

But I won’t

(No, no I won’t)

I won’t let myself be so weak this time

She’s got me right where she wants me

(She’s got me right where she needs me)

I’m the number dialed out of necessity

(The number much less dialed out of desire)

Keeping me just close enough for comfort

(She keeps me just far enough away)

I become zombified as I continue forward

(Reaching out as slowly move toward the sunlight)

As if I were hungering for the next day of my life

But I won’t!

(No, no I won’t)

I won’t let myself be so weak this time!

I call out to myself in the mirror

I will face you!

I've got to throw this away

I've got to look away

For I know that

Oh precious, you do exist somewhere

Above the horizon and over those rolling hills

This is not you, this is not meant for me

I have to become who I want to be

Before I can let you see

I send my love from across time

Know that I am being strong for you

She’s got me right where she wants me

I’m the number dialed out of necessity

Keeping me just close enough for comfort

I become zombified as I continue forward

I call out to myself in the mirror

(I send my love from across time)

I will face you!

(Know that I am being strong for you)

I call out to myself in the mirror

(I send my love from across time)

I will face you!

(Know that I am being strong for you)

I won’t let myself be so weak this time!

I am not weak

I will not break

I am not weak

I will not break!

“Metamorphosis 47% Complete”

Cut the skin and let the reason flow

Dress the wound and pray for your soul

Reality is but a dream in this sequence

The words painted across your silly face

Break your mental capacity and evolve

A new species to be found within yourself

But you must let go of your humanity

The soil will not judge you as you walk upon it

Those eyes however must be torn out

Become what you’ve always wanted to be

Fade into coma as you unleash your mind

“Burning Down Your White Flag”

So you’re unhappy,

You’re the bearer

Of your own misfortune

Throw your apathy away

And fight back!

Change your life

Destroy yourself

Tear out your insides

Rebuild from the ashes

Reshape who you are

Force your own hands

Change your life.

If it pains you, toss it aside

If it calls out your name, ignore it

Break free of your bonded mentality

Burn down your unholy enclosures

March on and never surrender

Change your life.

“Meta-Ghost: The Unwavering Saint”

Coarse skin, thick air

The fog weighs heavy today

I wish I could stop breathing

Oh moonlit sky, the desert has taken me in

Pray, as the skies are augmented with overcast dreams

My mind is on shuffle as I proceed through this preliminary

The ocean calls out to me, drawing me near, am I losing it?

Wrecked soul, ruined smile

A growing flame with freshly cut wood at its heart

And I wish I could stop breathing

I dream of being weightless so the wind could take me

These walls are melting and twisting all around me, laughing

They can read my mind and they watch everything I do

I’m jaded; I want no more of this helpless indecency

Unclean thoughts, motionless heart

These fists tighten around the neck that bore them

I will stop breathing

“Birthed In Oil”

There were tentacles and wires

There were no lights, no fires

Then a hand slipped through

The womb of thick black goo

Take my hand! Take my hand!

I need you now before I can stand

Flesh slipped through the oily canal

Not quite what I’d call natural

Are we all alone among these stars?

Am I stuck here with all these scars?

With no home left to return to?

Just darkness, no lights, no view

These mutated beasts draw near

And we’ve succumbed to our fear

Blow torches in hand, hungering for skin

Escape now, the wrath of the ugly twin

Get inside if you want to live, eject, eject!

This darkness is not what you expect!

“Royal Ghost: The Age of Crimson”

I’ll enjoy the scenery as my heart speeds up

A nervous motion upon a marvelous sun rise

Neither light nor dark can guide this lost soul

I’ll find myself raising my fists to the sky again

Only to be faced by another astounding grin

I think this world is going to swallow me whole

Or I’ll end up bleeding out before my very eyes

Bathe in gold, oh humble soldier, and raise your cup!

And you want it bad

You want it, you want it bad

Don’t you, boy?

That gaze, that grin, oh it’s turning me to stone

Seems I’ll crumble before I feel myself alive again

Breathe in, breathe out, exoskeletal emotional reign

Favor us now, oh distant sun, I need this morning glow

Must I come crashing down upon myself to muster a ‘hello’?

I find myself spinning in circles over this, wracking my brain

This is the age of crimson and we’re all bathing in sin

Radio silence consumes me as I constantly check my phone

And you want it bad

You want it, you want it bad

Don’t you, boy?

Get over yourself

You’re a ghost wearing a robe and a crown

Unholy host, burning the globe and gown

Just give up

“OF Fury & Fortune”

Funny thing about the sun is that after it abandons you

It comes right back, just as bright as before

And all you have to do is have a little patience

This is the faith you need to have in yourself

[Before you fall apart]

Shut yourself up before you destroy the world

Relish in your blessings before they crumble

It’s not easy living with yourself in dark times

Feign not, for the future is worth waiting for

Reach out with your palm wide open and receive

The things I’m trying to tell you

When it brings you sorrow

When it brings you agony

Tear out your heart

Listen to your soul

So shut yourself up before you destroy us all

Relish in your blessings before they crumble

I know it’s not easy living with yourself in darkness

But feign not, the future is so worth waiting for

So reach out with your palm wide open and receive

The things I’m trying to get through to you

When it brings you sorrow

When it brings you sorrow

[Throw it away]

When it brings you agony

When it brings you agony

[Tear out your heart]

Listen to your soul

[Listen to your soul]

Listen to your soul!

“Mourn, Phantasmal Shore”

The silent waters begged for my return on this night, it seems

I left my iron shell for a moment and traveled to the exact spot

That I knelt down and gave her three things on that overcast night

A white rose for eternal friendship and a red rose for eternal love

And that ring she knew I had, the one she waited so eagerly for

But the times have changed and the ocean brings different waters

Ghosts have come and haunted me but this night is cleansed

The drive home was a reminder of everyone else I’d been with

Each area a memory of a beautiful girl and a time now long gone

It’s as if no matter how bad it hurts, it’s just another recollection

And I can’t stop fidgeting; now I’m at the edge of my seat

As I come home and stuff another wad of cash in my jar

I’ll take this worn out soul halfway across the country if I have to

Dying for an escape, not from the sorrow but from the reminders

And I don’t need to prove to any of you that I’m over all of this

My heart beats for the next page, a blank canvas before me

I’m waiting for my fair maiden to arrive and spill her colors upon it

Paint me a new tomorrow, dearest stranger, I’m waiting patiently

I’ll take this anguish to the grave, but I won’t wallow in it any longer

Wraith upon wraith on these dark shores, oh unhallowed boon

Wreck yourself no more, fellow spirit, for the stars shine tonight

“Sonnet to Your Defeat”

From the catacombs an echo is heard

Rotting skulls rolling around, absurd

Where the light travels underground

Is where your deathbed can be found

My wings will spread and I will not fail

I will not cower for I am no longer frail

I am on my rise and I shall never halt

Dear treasured spirit, this is your fault

And this is where my sword will rest

Alas, buried deep inside of your chest

There is no hope for you dearest rival

They’ll mourn as they witness my revival

An ending draws near as darkness falls

With your blood I shall paint the walls

“Anathema On High”

Pushing me down

Pushing me down

Bury me with a crown

I’m tired of your little white lies and I’m tired of your excuses

I’m tired of your confrontation and I’m tired of you

I am the northerner

And my rage will not rest on this day

Those advances are heard and they are not the first, nor the last

You detest me and I will not forgive what I cannot comprehend

You hurt me in so many ways and for what? You had to have me

You had to have me!

So just think about that as you take up your cup and toast a brand new tragedy

You are pestilent and I am so far away from feeling anything but this deep shade

How can I be your friend when you’ve ruined so much of who I am?

Have you no morels, no heart, no head, no hurt?

I burn this to the ground because I cannot look upon it anymore without anguish

It’s sad to see it end in flames but she’s burning down

I wish you the best of luck when I’m in my right mind

But these fleeting emotions, these fists form so easily

I’m afraid its goodbye and I hope you get what you deserve

“Everything Around Beauty Is Made Ugly”

I’m wary just giving thought to these things anymore

Speaking of them only breathes life into them and death into me

I’m the wild card; fitting in wherever you need me

But for some reason I find myself in the discard pile

Someone tell me why young beautiful flesh is so unobtainable

Like sentient beings among men they stride with petty concerns

All of this is giving me a migraine as I push myself toward the morrow

Steadying my nervous hand and attempting to ignore those whispers

And as for all of you, dear thoughts, stay your charm and linger

For dreams and ambitions will bring me far but what you’re doing is…

Futile.

Fantasies and desires set this liar liar on fire

Fantasies and desires all the things I admire

Blessed shadow, rise up and claim your throne

Your potential is greater than that of mine

I’ve been bludgeoned; Broken every bone

I’ll wake up after all of this one day feeling just…

“Vile Rose: The Human Heartache”

Is it just me or is it hot in here?

Is it just me?

Or am I catching fire!?

I’m in my own little world but it’s starting to feel like I’m stuck in it.

Through the tinted glass I can see the poison spill

Eating alive the flesh before it seeps its way through the concrete

Oh god, have mercy

I’m relying on my own self control tonight

I’ve found security in my hallucinations

I’m become a burning mass of thought

The stars will be jealous, don’t you think?

“When every breath you take is a breath back to life

And your body is stained with the soil you took your slumber below

The death that became you slowly slips away through your fingers

And your heart starts to beat again as dawn rises up behind your back

You might be caught off guard but it might just be your lucky day”

But might is a powerful word…

I might just fall asleep and dream of the same horrors all over again

What If I give this heart away once more and it’s not strong enough?

What shall I do when I am turned to stone yet again, never-ender?

I am living history; a long cycle of distress, astonishing in my ignorance

“So I’ll course your veins

I’ll read your mind

I can even feel your heart

Fear me not

Oh, fear me not, dearest boy!

I wish not for your agony

You will see in due time

For I am love and I am eternal!”

"Black Holiday"

I've got these Booming emotions from times now past, echoing in the silence of my apathetic mind. A phone call for a million brooding blood vessels and I'm more concerned about my right to carry my fists tightly locked.

So I'm corrupted and I'm going mad

So they say

I find myself starring at the stars trying to make sense out of my life, secretly hoping they'd all fall out of the sky and come crashing down. Dawn's burning mass of security lies just over the selfish horizon.

So I'm bitter and I'm always sad

So they say

I want to travel the country side and escape my unsatisfactory course of action; I was meant for greater things than these. I'll claim my place in this world and topple all visions you had of me as I rise up from this deathbed.

“Ascension One-Twenty”

It’s the adrenaline rush when someone is in dire need

It’s the dehydration after pushing yourself too far

It’s the dry tears after you’ve ripped out your aching heart

It’s the dawn of a new day

The sun is always shinning and the trees all move with the same rhythm

It’s the sparkles on the ocean and the stars in the sky at the end of the night

My fists loosen and my worn out face cracks a smile for once

Drained.

Deceased.

Buried.

Exhumed.

It’s the way everyone disappears in a thunderstorm

My feet breaking into a stride even when faced with a brick wall

It’s the self conscious ever whispering in my mind

Letting the fresh air breathe life back into me

“Transfixed”

My eyes are appalled by your crimes tonight

My mouth gaping at the very sight

I can’t believe you and I’m totally through

It feels so damn good to let go

No more bleeding, no more sorrow.

If it hurts, throw it away.

I can’t believe you thought what you did was okay

Utterly breathless at how naive you truly are

Blind, blind girl, stay in your cave and hang upside down

I won’t fall, oh no these wings are burning

The ashes fluttering like fire flies

I’m reborn under this shining moon

Until there’s nothing left of me

Shivering chaos, take your ferocious course

Agony shall run in circles until it meets your sorry face

I can’t believe you thought what you did was okay

“Through the Static 90%”

I can see it now, the light at the end of the tunnel

I’ve got to get my worn out body to the end

I can make it.

The twin headed serpent queen dances around me

As I close my eyes I become digital and I can see

You for what you really are

A virus among the sanctuary, corruption of purity

I’ll catch fire as I ward you off with antibodies

Suck the venom from the wound

I can see clear as day that I need not say

I hope you have a great life without me

Maybe you’ll realize what you gave up

Who’s to say? But I know now that I am not worthless

I am a rare and different breed and there are none like me

You’d give up gold and diamonds for the common filth

Bury your head, child for I hold too much anger for you

Look away from mine eyes before I’m stricken ill with animosity

The motherboard is rearranged and the ghost dissipates

Oh, twin chaos this is the end of the darkest chapter

But this book is not at its end, tell me a new story, I beg of you

Settling snow upon a grievous land there I stood, upon the calm

“The Moth’s Shell”

The bitter taste of separation lingers yet upon the skin

But below all that has made me ill is something amazing

A beautiful flower on my depleted heart has blossomed

Its vines tangling with my veins and urging me back to life

The first breath back into the world takes me by surprise

I call out: “Have I earned my wings yet, oh captivator?”

The booming echo in my head is a sigh of dissatisfaction

But the land I set my feet upon is a great big world

Only when the night consumes me am I turned ill

The poison drips from her lips as I turn my back to the flames

(In slow motion) I toss my hope aside and continue forward

My eyes light the sky as the energy flows through me

And nothing can hold me back this time, not even agony

Each day anew, as I force the changes by my own deeds

Grateful for the friendship I am blessed with as I march on

This heart is beating slowly, taking it’s time to heal

One day it’ll be a beautiful garden once more

At the mercy of a beautiful gardener once again

"Under A Lovely Sky" [From The Vault] + "Under An Unsightly Sky" [Corruption]

"Under A Lovely Sky" - Circa 2007 - 2008

Like daylight anew, I'm rising again.

I find hardship around every single corner.

Yet, when I see her eyes, staring at mine,

I can't help but smile.

I don't know if ashes or earthquakes await me,

I do know that I'm not alone anymore.

It's like opening presents on Christmas morning.

She's my ever-lit candle.

We're both broken in so many ways,

But I think together we'll make it alright.

I'm pushing myself further than I thought I could.

My love is a tornado, taking everything with it.

Like a jewel in the water on the coast,

Just so easy to reach, and more so gorgeous.

My heart is yours forever, little butterfly.

Thick as steel, soft as a pillow.

Under a lovely sky.

“Under An Unsightly Sky" [Corruption]

Like daylight faded, I'm buried again.

I find infatuation around every single corner.

Yet, when I see her eyes, haunting my mind,

I can't help but catch fire.

It’s certainly ashes and earthquakes around me.

And I know that I'm alone again.

It's like passing out hearts for Halloween.

Her wick has burned out and glows no more.

We're both broken in so many ways,

But I think together we made one hell of a mess.

I'm pushing myself further into the dirt each day.

My agony is a tornado, taking everything with it.

Like a tainted jewel in the water on the coast,

Just so easy to reach, and more so hideous defeat.

My heart is torn to shreds, little butterfly,

Thick as steel and dry as sand.

Under an unsightly sky.

“Famine Among The Beasts”

They’ve gone mad with disease and they charge about aimlessly

All control is lost and stupidity takes over like a spreading sickness

The feast has arrived and the bloodthirsty tear into the meat

Oh what foolishness is this? And they seek out approval after their deeds

Someone tell me why they get it, someone leash those beasts

Blood and guts and torn ligaments strewn about the ground

Tusks and fangs and claws swinging in the air and I’ve just got myself here

But they destroy everything in their way ridden mad with disease

And there is no calm

“Hu(maN)”

And after so long, I become my own agony

That awkward glance, that unstable dance…

With the flame

Now I know how it feels to be wrong

Here I stand before my reflection, angry at what I see before me

Sick to my stomach, the very same beast that hurt me

You can’t force it; you can’t force your heart into beating

(I think I lost control now it’s taking its toll)

Nobody wants to have to say those words

So long I’ve been hearing them

So damn sick to hear myself say them

Not even this shattering mirror can fathom

My atrocities compel me as I spill my guts

Oh, fire, take me.

Now I know how it feels to be wrong

“Idle Stars”

Seems like I’m trapped here with my melancholy

The dawn has faded and black takes the night away

Not even the idle stars can be seen on this night

A light burns fiercely in the darkness, at last

But to my dismay, it is not hope, but anger

Burning brightly, consuming everything in its path

And the sleeping sun awakens to bring light to all of this

Joy takes hold for the time being, until the darkness sets again

Absolute chaos from dawn to dusk, every single day

“Hanging on to Frayed Rope”

Waking up wishing I hadn’t

I believe I’d rather be on the ocean

I like the wind better than the noise

I’m getting tired of feeling toxic

Breathing every breath like it’s my last

Maybe I should just sink my own ship

When my shade comes creeping back in

I just want to be your sunshine today

Sometimes I get so tired of my heart

I wish I could tear it out and give it away

But I’ve already done that I suppose

So now it keeps falling out of my chest

I’m falling to pieces over feeling complete

Every joy met with melancholy again

Where every sweet is followed by the sour

“Inhale Provocative; Exhale Sedative”

Like dawn after the darkest sky, I’m starting to feel alive

Was I not in a desert where none were thought to survive?

My barren heart has hope once again; it just won’t give in

I’m not speaking death and I’m not going to live a life of sin

I’m dreaming of mountain tops, where I want to be

Come, fair maiden, breathe life back into me

They call me foolish, they call me naïve

But it’s about time I start to believe

That this shattered room in my chest

Is not yet ready for its eternal rest

Sing me a song, write me a poem

One day I’ll feel like I belong

I’m waking up; I’m coming to my senses

Back up on my feet with raised defenses

The burden of having to live in sorrow

Oh but I pray today could be tomorrow

“Mimic”

Paint these skies red, because this love is dead

This is your solution; live among your pollution

A heart is a wonderful toy that you’ll always destroy

Enrich your desire and set everyone else on fire

“Wear Your Teeth”

Tonight is the night my skin’s on tight

With a digital arrangement of letters and punctual marks

I’m envious of myself for once and not those circuitry sharks

Wireframe, I’m afraid I’m the one to blame for your vacuity

With starved stomachs and feeble minds, proceed with acuity

Tonight is the night I will be all right

Like the sound of a dancing blade across a wooden table top

Underneath the noise encrusted room, her heart will stop

A brass button falls off of her dress and rolls under the closet door

His glass full of ice and a faint trace of whiskey, the night she’ll abhor

Tonight is the night I don’t suffer blight

Alas, sorrow parts and the sun decided to show it’d freakish face

Two nervous fingers thinking thoughts unclean as they caress her lace

That dress becomes the enemy as her body goes straight to his head

Radio waves shall mitigate the memories of which were painted deep red

Tonight is the night I can see your light

I’d wear my heart on my sleeve but it would be a bloody mess

Crimson agony flowing, interrupted as if unholy as we transgress

His anger would only lead to misanthrope, said the man in business attire

White-scarred knuckles against the table as he rose up and caught on fire

“Foolish Heart”

Life is losing flavor

I’m beginning to hate myself as I stare into the mirror

Death fills my lungs as I seek out happiness so desperately

The scar that will always burn in me, the rest of my life was…

In motion

Like a flickering candle

But the wax melted too quickly

And the flame submitted to darkness

I should be finding ways to enjoy my freedoms again

But I’m aching because I was never meant to fly solo

I can make it on my own but I’ve got romance in my veins

So I’m trapped in this prison, waiting for a new flame

The wind’s chill is a constant reminder that today is not the day

And they roll their eyes and shake their heads at my words

Maybe I’m psychotic; maybe I just can’t control my heart

Is love my vice? Am I doing things all wrong?

Oh patience, you’re really doing a number on me.

Look at the clock, mocking me with a cadence

Like a mechanical heartbeat, on time every time

The sun hurts my eyes and so does all of this

So maybe one of these days I’ll change my tune

And I can be without my harrowing headaches

I wish I could speak to my heart, I’d like to kindly explain that I wish it would refrain from feeling this way because I don’t know how to be okay. You shouldn’t even be longing for this again because it’s so daunting; to love again and be brave are you even sure you can be saved? Are you still waiting on a hero? You think she can pick you up from zero?

Foolish heart, is it better to lose love and long for it once more or long for it forever to never have lost it?

“…Hate Leads To Suffering”

Are you saying I’m unfit to be your lover?

And somebody else is your answer?

Am I not worth the fight anymore?

My heart is worthless

And I’m hopeless?

I’m not giving in to my fear

Your tongue is lined with poison

And my blood is thick with regret

Seems like nothing can lift my misery

Unholiest dreamer, end my agony

For I cannot breathe this in anymore

Stop dragging me down, broken promises

Listen to me, I surrender my tortured soul!

Oh, Father, take this pain from me

Before it crushes my decaying heart

Are you saying I’m unfit to be your lover?

And somebody else is your answer?

Am I not worth the fight anymore?

My heart is worthless

And I’m hopeless?

Well, I hope you never have to feel the way that I do right now.

Just know,

You had to have me

You had to have me!

Took me and burned me alive!

Just remember,

You had to have me

You had to have me!

Took me and burned me alive!

This thing is fragile

Like thin glass

Who could I trust…

With my frail heart?

I'm so scared, because,

Fear is the path…

“Heart Attack Homing Missile”

Like I’m falling in love at every sight

Abandoned in this room again, despite

Everything I see I want to touch, just like a child

I’m out of my mind and I’m driving myself wild

The cold rushes in as she makes an entrance

And I’m afraid I can’t even finish this sentence

I tell you, she’s got the most gorgeous eyes

And I just can’t stop thinking about her thighs

I’m anxious, over my heels, lacking the certainty

The silver wave of hurt has washed over me

I’m in need of a heroine like never before

Even now as the day makes its rise once more

I’ve got the sour taste of loneliness in my maw

And I’m constantly worried about my every flaw

I just need some of that sunshine today

Lay those lips on mine and blow me away

“Winged Fever” [From the Vault]

2007 again. Some of it fits the here and now, I think.

I called her sweet number

To form a disease from down under

A cure for my fierce jubilee

These pills won’t come for free

Do you like these iron fists

In your mouth when I’m pissed

Lightning will take our heads

When we run from the feds

Your skull is going to fall out

So tell me what this is about

There’s a beast in your face

Tearing you apart in place

Intestines like rain drops

And the beeping finally stops

Catching her with some stud

This phone call’s all covered in blood

Piano keys and dying trees.

Guitar strings for wedding rings.

Your face is much prettier

Fleshless without exterior

Can you hear the birds scream

For the lucid chainsaw dream

From poverty to tax on property

Your heart’s on fish hooks probably

Eaten away by bloodthirsty rats and mice

I’ll tear away the vice president’s vice

A leather whip taken to an attorney

You’ll find your bones on this journey

Through solace and infinite destruction

I’m bonding with a lost connection

“Worldless” [From the Vault]

2007, baby. I love how this one flows and it's simplicity is entertaining.

Colors dressed in black

Depressing, growing weak

Overcoming, stunning eyes

Converting everything back

Careful dreams perfecting

Toxic imagination waning

Elusive thoughts in motion

Tangled veins contorting

Nullifying concrete skies

Becoming younger yet

Devoting a bleeding mind

Forever is bound to wrists

“Up Above All That Has Consumed Me” [From the Vault]

Written in 2008... Odd how I feel exactly the same in my current situation as I did two years ago.

Needles’ point, stealing these memories

Numbing up, from the limbs up finally

Stop caring, stop hurting, and just take it all in

I shall mold my mind and leave friends behind

Like an escaping hand slipping under a seal

Crescent moon, save me a seat up in the sky

Have all the bad dreams finally left me?

Beaten, shattered hopes of renewal fade

A gentle mist and new eyes for tomorrow

“Through the Static”

Just like that, I am astonished

No more crossing wires of existence, no more electrical fires

Shut out the hybrid memories and imagination demons

I’ve been stuck in analog for so damn long

But I’m altering myself; I will become digital

Nothing makes me feel alive like your grace

Nothing else will work in your place

I’ll raise these burning walls up before I become a fallen server

My fingers dance around and this is it; this is the sound

The uncomfortable beeps of a computer

Trying so hard to connect in a time that is long gone

Reality is such a strange place to be

Even less sensible than hazy dreams

My voice will be heard as I learn to walk again

As I speak in hexadecimal, I will bleed out my sins

I haven’t felt this alive in so long…

I’m so ready; even when I’m down on all fours

Crawling toward the future as the walls shake apart

As I go on, standing up tall, I move through the static

In his name I pray…

Place your hand on my heart, never-ender

For I am your knight and I will never surrender

"Deceased Feast" [From the Vault]

I thought this one was pretty funny and it has some nice rhymes. It's from a mini series of poems I wrote about certain types of people missing the one thing they need most.

"Deceased Feast"

Oh hallowed be thy name

When they finish playing this game

And discover the final note

They’ll push the buttons on the remote

So stars will eat streetlamps

And zombies will aspire for dirty tramps

To summon the evil presence

That calls forth the silence

From my toy box to my death bed

Searching for a new head

Crumbling under the weight

Of an outlandish first date

Feeding upon human gelatin

Uniting the army of skeletons

To burn witches at the stake

And bury girls under lakes

Straying far from the great steeple

They devour all the innocent people

Thus trading entrails become habitual

Under the bloody sheets of this ritual

[The Lustful One deprived of self-control]

“No Angel” [From the Vault]

Alright, this one is from the vault. Luckily, I've saved every poem I've ever written on my computer. I don't have an exact year, but it's circa 2003. Ironic how old feelings tend to come back...

“No Angel”

From the back of an alley

You crawl through the dark

Through the heart with an iron fist

You close your eyes and shut me out

Above ground on perfect wings

I fall from your grasp, forever

Shattering like the past again

Here I am in the eternal nightmare

And you carry on with your ire

Aiming to drain my heart of life

You’ll never know what you meant

Until you throw your tears away…

Because I fail without you and your love

So here I am, so far away from heaven

Alone in the dark we collapse.

“Winding the Clock”

Oh, to be young again, with that fire burning so strong inside of me

Like the world could wait while I went the places I went

And did the things I did…

Nothing to worry about and nothing to capture me by surprise

Much like the moon before it’s caught in the night sky

And shown to the world

When things moved so slowly and everything was experienced for the first time

To be little again, oh to be so small the world couldn’t crush me

Let alone notice

And as I look up into the sky at night I’m reminded

How cold the cement is below me

Laying here as I did ten years ago

I can just see you kid, all grown up, against the world

Back when things were so simple and every day meant something new

When my sisters were always around and my mom and dad were my heroes

Back when I had no idea how cruel the world could be

Back before I met her, back before my feet met the freezing water at the ocean

When I was happy for no reason and did anything I wanted

Back when I didn’t know your face…

When I didn’t see your picture and break down, feeling worthless

When I didn’t pray with my fists clenched and my voice didn’t stagger

And I didn’t fall apart in my own two hands

Back when I was happy just riding my bike and playing in the sand

When video games and fantasies dazzled my mind and inspired me

And being alone was bearable

Back when I small

When I was unnoticeable

To this big bad world

“Mark of the Dark Star”

Girl, I gave you my best

But, don’t hold your breath

Cause I’m calling myself insane

When I know you’re to blame

Tonight maybe I’ll be free

But who could ever love me

I can’t seem to keep it together even when I’m alone, singin’ in my car

Somewhere along the way I think I broke in two and now I have the mark of the dark star

You’re inside of my head and I see your face every time I close my eyes

I’m reminded by this cold bed every time I hear your echoing lies

For better and for worse

Carry me away in a hearse

I guess this is my curse

I'll use these blankets as cover

As I sleep without a lover

Because this pillow will lie

Right next to me as I deny

Everything that commits me

Please just let me go

I’m down on my knees

Oh, please release me

Oh, I’m begging you

I can’t seem to keep it together even when I’m alone, singin’ in my car

Somewhere along the way I think I broke in two and now I have the mark of the dark star

I guess when everything looks bleak and I’m up in the air at least I can breathe again

When trauma settles in and kicks its feet up I tremble as the sorrow grows within

I bet you don’t even look back and remember how it felt to walk hand in hand with me

I can’t imagine you even wondering how I’m holding up after this catastrophe

Now there’s no point in drying these eyes as I scream

Please just let me go!

I’m down on my knees again!

My firsts raised to the skies, just please end this dream

Oh, please release me!

God, I’m begging you!

“Silver Light”

You took my hand and led me right into your web

I never wanted to lose you, I was so prepared

For the rest of forever

But now I’m just a casualty

Your heart attacking homicide

Why even bother feeling the way that I do

When this rain is over I’m right back where I started

Like it never happened, you just move right along

Well I’m glad you take the scissors to our photos so easily

Cut me away and see yourself the way you truly are

But for some reason I can’t let go

And I’m crushed under my own grief

I’m glad you’re so content without me

And I’m so sorry I brought you so far down

Sincerely, your dead lover

Forever and ever and ever

XOXOXO

P.S.

I’m buried in the dirt

With all of my hurt

By your fangs deadly bite

And bathed in this silver light

“Harbinger of Shadow”

So I’m so sick of making myself sick

A gradient from progress to solitude

My throat is dry and my hands are numb

The drought is coming, warn the fish

I’m not about to lose my cool, no not today

Yesterday was definitely the worst day of my life

But tomorrow looks so much better than today

I guess I’m destined for something different

I’ve got my shields raised up and my gun loaded

Bang bang as I suffer in the whispering winds

As the stars danced over my head all I could think of was you

The weaving steps across the street like a ballad of fear

Nothing says goodbye like an empty glass, dear

All over my mind like the poison she coated it with

I let go in the street where people place their feet

Closely monitor me tonight because I’m not alright

I’m afraid I’m not walking in a straight line tonight

But take a look at all my teeth as I smile up wide

There’s nothing left on this side, believe me I tried

And I’m so sick of making myself sick

“Hopeless Threnody”

I’m leading myself right over a cliff

I’m the naysayer; I’m the mental wreckage, the disposable camera. Now look at me and watch me explode over and over. The telepathic tragedy of my swinging fists comes to an end as my suffering bounces off of these four tiny walls. I am the laceration, the perfect pair of pistols under your pillow. A cold sweat takes over, my eyes dance around, back and forth as the poison takes hold. Now I’m the unintentional intruder, evasive and elusive, one in the same. “Where have you gone?” you might ask. A laugh is all you will get from me, dear believer. Madness is a welcome partner in this journey. These bed sheets still smell of your body, yet these arms don’t remember the feel of your skin.

Tragic…I will fall to my own heart; bled out by my own desires.

How then can the world crush one so young?

“Have you ever been on your knees, begging God for mercy?” He asked.

Turn around, shadow. Take me home; Un-tether what I have woven here. Show me the fangs of immorality, but don’t let them touch me. Take from me the life I have, for it is trivial. The next stage of humanity: The next step down this cruel and unrelenting path that has been forced in front of me. Let the thorns grow and stick in me as I walk it alone. From whence you came, brutality, return and show them that I am more than a match for anything they can throw at me.

A shinning light beams from the distance. “Ahh… and you are awake, are you?”

As consciousness returns to the troubled one, he parts his dry lips. “I think so…”

The sun beats down from the sky like a burning fist as he struggles to his feet.

Uneasy, the starved man creeps forward. “Please, tell me where I am, where I was.”

The bright figure shows its face momentarily, smiling as it disappears.

Surprised, the wavering figure falls backwards, barely catching himself.

To his utter amazement, he is suddenly bedazzled by a sparkling stone in the sand.

“What could this be?” He thought to himself, among many twisted thoughts already in his head.

Upon closer examination, the stone appeared to be a precious gemstone of some kind.

“Familiar, yet something I’ve never seen before.” He said aloud.

The sea roared and the man walked along the beach, holding the stone in his left hand.

Before he could even crack a smile at his good fortune, his eyes opened wide.

The skies turned to black and the ocean to a deep red.

The man looked down and saw that his precious stone had gone missing.

In a panic, he hurried his hands to the sand in search of his beloved jewel.

“Yes, panic, anxious human, for I am your destroyer. You will not be among the divine this day.”

The shadows crawled up behind the poor soul like an angry mob, ready for the attack, unrelenting.

Oh, but how does it end, oh precious perceiver. Death in the form of losing everything, unbeliever.

Bury your desire, lay rest to your headaches. Let your heart shatter over and over.

Let the sky rain thorns upon your flesh, let the soil your feet rest upon turn to flame.

Only then will you see that all you had and all you wish to be again is just a mere illusion.

That beating organ inside of you pumps blood through your veins it cannot possibly tell you what I cannot. It is no requiem for your sorrows; it is no beam of hope.

The past will haunt you like a murderous spirit.

Hopeless, you will cower among those who have tried.

You will bleed out upon the floor as they watch you, motionless.

Fixate yourself instead on the future to come.

Leave the past where it belongs, oh armored one.

Nothing can stop you now.